It Began With A Holiday
by I Double Dare You
Summary: Remus and his parents are gifted a holiday to Spain by his grandmother. It proves to be more eventful than he ever expected and his self-discovery leads to Sirius noticing a change in him when they return to Hogwarts for their seventh year. SB/RL Remus/MaleOC
1. A Spanish Sunset

_Notes: These first couple of chapters are Remus/MaleOC but the rest is for all the Wolfstar fans out there. I'm of the opinion that our dear Remus is in need of some more lovin', the poor guy, and while I don't get the appeal of dark, exotic men (my family is ethnic, so naturally I rebel and have a thing for pale red-heads – hello, Ginny), I thought Remus would. _

_As I said, I grew up in an ethnic family and lived for some time in Mexico, so parts of this story stem from there. I don't know if Spanish people are vastly different although I did do some research (and apparently they love empanadas as much as I do!). Also, please imagine that Madrid has a beach! I know, my lazy inaccuracy sucks._

OOOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 1: A Spanish Sunset**

Warm sand gave way beneath Remus' bare feet and he deliberately sunk his toes into the golden grains with each step. He smiled slightly and, even though he knew he would regret it later, he allowed the frayed ends of his muggle jeans to drag through the sand with a satisfying scrape, gathering the grains. People paid him no mind; the locals were used to tourists, even ones dressed in baggy sweaters and worn jeans walking along the edge of the beach, and tourists were consumed by the escape they found in their Spanish holiday.

His grandmother on his mother's side had passed away only a few months ago and in her will she'd left orders for a holiday to be arranged for her only daughter, her daughter's husband and their only son, Remus, to go to Spain for three weeks. It was a destination Remus' mother had always wanted to visit, finding the history and richness of the culture so exciting and now that they were here, Remus found that he felt the same way.

Remus' grandmother had paid enough for them to holiday in a comfortable little villa but it was not so luxurious as to completely remove them from the culture itself. It was roughly a one kilometre walk to the beach and as soon as he could, Remus had left his parents to each other and set off with a map, parchment, inkpot and a quill in his hands. When he'd told Lily of his grandmother's death, a woman whom he'd known little of, and of the holiday, she'd implored him to write to her during the summer as often possible...

"_You'll visit the museums there, won't you? And the ruins? You must tell me all about them!" Lily's brilliant emerald eyes lit up with excitement and Remus felt her enthusiasm infecting him, beginning with a wide smile. _

"_Of course. I'll write as often as I can." Remus watched as she paddled her feet in the cooling water of the Black Lake while he sat cross-legged beside her, a book abandoned in his lap. Her face was glazed over with thoughts of distant exotic lands but suddenly she turned back to him, her eyes widened excitedly._

"_Oh, and will you watch the sunset for me too? I've always wondered if sunsets look different in other parts of the world – I know it's silly but, you know, it's a childhood thought that I never quite grew out of. I've always wanted to know."_

_Remus considered her before giving her a smile and nodding. "I'll watch the sunset for you, Lily, and I'll tell you about it, although I'm not terribly great with descriptive writing."_

"_Go on," she nudged him affectionately with her elbow, "It'll be beautiful, no doubt, and I'll be green with envy when I read it, wishing I could be there to see it."_

Remus picked his spot carefully, sitting down on a low brick wall on the edge of the beach, facing the sand and waves. The fresh, tangy smell of salt and sand was in the air and the sound of the waves falling to the sand was rhythmic and soothing. The grains of sand almost seemed to glow in the amber light, the orange of the sun brilliantly blinding as it burnt the sky to soft pinks and red hues. The light gathered in the water and melded itself with the waves that rolled lovingly onto the sand, spreading in foamy reflections of yellow light. Remus wondered if Lily had thought rightly and if sunsets were indeed different in other countries, but perhaps he was just charmed by the warm, exotic atmosphere and the beach simply matched the beauty of the sky, making the setting of the sun almost overwhelming.

Remus propped his back against a sharp rise in the brick wall and raised his knees up as a makeshift table. He unrolled the parchment and set the inkpot beside him, pausing before dipping his quill in to give himself time to think. He knew he should have used muggle paper and a pen in the presence of all the muggles but he preferred parchment and a quill – he found words translated themselves from his mind onto parchment better – and besides, his hands were slightly hidden anyway. His eyes scanned the horizon carefully again, trying to transfer vision into words, wondering how he could communicate to his friend the startling vividness of the different hues and brilliant colours.

He twirled the quill between his fingers as he pondered, before deciding on an opening line and dipping the tip of the quill into the black ink.

_Dear Lily,_

_Perhaps you were right about sunsets being different here – the sky is more brilliant than I've ever seen it and you wouldn't believe how beautiful the beach is. It's as if the sky can't make up its mind to be orange or pink or a whole combination of the colours..._

Remus jumped as droplets of water suddenly splattered the parchment. He stared as the ink ran from the words and melted together in an illegible mess.

"Ah, I'm really sorry, it was accident. I did not mean to get you wet."

Remus looked up to see a boy standing quite near. He wore dark red bathing trunks, white and golden sand sticking to his calves and to odd patches of his damp skin. He looked Spanish; his skin was bronzed, his wet hair dark and wavy and his brown eyes look down at Remus in apologetic worry. He looked genuinely sorry and Remus smiled easily to ease the boy's worry, shaking his head. "It's alright. It wasn't turning out very well, anyway – I should thank you actually."

The boy, who looked perhaps a couple of years older than his own seventeen years, returned the smile quickly, looking down at the parchment curiously. "A letter, then? To your, uh, sweetheart, is it?"

Remus chuckled a little awkwardly, keeping his eyes strictly on the parchment before him to stop his eyes from straying. "Err, no, actually, she's just a friend."

The boy regarded him thoughtfully for a moment before sticking out his hand abruptly in greeting. "My name is Ernesto."

Remus looked up and his gaze was met with confident, warm brown eyes. He reached out and shook the hand which was damp with sea water and clinging grains of sand. "I'm Remus."

"You are from England?", Ernesto smiled at Remus' slight surprise, "I have met Englishmen before. I have always liked their voice - uh, accent, I think you call it."

Remus felt his cheeks burn at the probably unintentional compliment, and desperately hoped that the other boy would mistake the slight red tinge for the glow of the sun on his pale, English face. He thought he saw the brown eyes linger on his cheeks for a moment but then the eyes flicked back to meet his again and the bright, white grin was wide.

"Are you liking it here, in Spain?"

"Very much. It's a beautiful place, although I'm sure you know that more than I do."

"Yes, it is beautiful; I am glad you see this." Ernesto nodded, hesitating for a moment as he seemed to think deeply, "You are visiting my wonderful Spain for few weeks and I guess that you stay in nice hotel, maybe?"

Remus wondered where this was going and was trying to remind himself that this was a complete stranger in a country he wasn't at all familiar with, even as he nodded in reply.

"Hotels are nice, yes, but you will never see true Spain by staying in hotel and taking walks by yourself to the beach," Ernesto proclaimed with a conviction that reminded Remus of someone, but he couldn't recall who, "I can show you real Spain, my country, without big hotel and with real people of Spain."

"Err, that sounds... very nice and that's kind of you. But I like it here already and I'm sure you don't want to be spending time with me – I am just a tourist after all." Remus admitted, wondering if the sunlight had suddenly got hotter and more intense or if it was just his body heating up for reasons known only to itself. Again, he had to remind himself that this was practically a stranger and that it was unlikely that this person would suddenly want to show him around just to let him get a real sense of the local culture. But just as Remus was doing so, Ernesto waved away his protests.

"It is no problem. I want to show English who come here my beautiful country. You seem nice, you would understand this – so I show you."

Remus looked out at the horizon beyond the waves. He had expressed the thought to his father that perhaps they wouldn't get to see the real culture of the country if they just followed tour guides with twenty other tourists. He'd wanted to see the real country beyond the aesthetically pleasing cover – he wanted to learn all about these people, their differences and their similarities. And this is what a holiday was about, wasn't it? Taking chances, relaxing, doing things you wouldn't normally do...

His eyes left the fading pink of the sky and returned to the smiling face.

"You really wouldn't mind?"

Ernesto's grin widened pleasantly. "Never. I want you to leave to your country with good memories of real Spain."

Remus bit his bottom lip as he considered it for only a moment more, a grin breaking his face with his decision. "Alright, then. What will you show me?"

The boy's eyes glanced at the sky before he answered. "It is almost night. Better you see everything in morning. Will we meet here, tomorrow morning?"

Remus was slightly relieved as he really didn't want to go running off with someone who he didn't really know when it was getting dark, although he seemed to be very nice. "That sounds good, what time?"

"Do you like eight?"

"Sure. I'll see you here, then."

Ernesto bent down and picked up a white surfboard from where it leaned against the wall, something that Remus hadn't seen. The boy smiled that warm, infectious smile again and stepped over the wall, waving goodbye to Remus.

"Ernesto?"

He turned back, his eyes bright with amusement at what Remus knew to be the clumsy pronunciation of his name. "Thank you for the offer."

"You're very welcome. We will have fun tomorrow!"

Remus watched the retreating figure for a minute before he turned his attention back to the parchment on his lap. Grinning with a curious giddy happiness, and even though the light was fading, he began the letter again.

_Dear Lily,_

_You were right about the sunset. It was more beautiful than I can even describe and I wish you were here to see it with me. Words really can't do it justice but maybe your imagination can. Even better than the sunset though, are the people (the ones I've met, anyway). If all is as it seems, I think I may have already made a new long distance friend..._

OOOOOOOOOO

_Next chapters up soon. Remus' stay in Spain is going to be a couple of chapters more because I really want to capture his self-discovery, so it'll be a while before there's any reciprocated Sirius/Remus. I hope you don't mind the original character while you wait, though. I would love to see any comments – I think I really need people to tell me what they think of this one because the original character and Remus' potential OOCness makes me nervous. _

_Thank you so much for reading!_


	2. Ernesto

_I really hope this chapter is more eventful and exciting. Don't forget that I absolutely love comments. I was so thrilled to receive comments from you wonderful people! :)_

OOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 2: Ernesto**

Remus woke the next morning wondering why he felt so nervous and excited. Then he recognised his surroundings and his face broke into a wide smile.

Sirius had always complained that the werewolf woke up far too happy and content with the world, and had suggested more than once that he should at least try to be filled with more hatred and grumpiness in the morning, like normal people. This particular morning, the smile continually tugged at Remus' mouth and he thought that if Sirius had been here, he would have been scowling at him by now.

He went for a quick shower, dressed in his favourite jeans, even though they were worn and probably too warm for the climate, and a long sleeved shirt to cover his scars. It was easier to explain away his scars to muggles by saying he was in a car accident, but he'd rather not be forced to talk about them at all. Grabbing a ripe peach from the fruit bowl in the small kitchenette, he waved his goodbye to his parents who were still in their night clothes, sitting on the small balcony.

"Where are you off to so early?"

"Beach. I might have a look around today too. I don't know when I'll be back."

Remus' father peered at him from over his newspaper, identical brown eyes meeting but, for once, both sets were brighter and happier. "You be careful. You've got your wand with you?"

"Of course."

"Do you need any more spending money, honey?", his mother smiled and Remus noticed that her face seemed fresher, a little less lined and Remus noted that when she smiled like that, he could see that he'd inherited her mouth, "You can buy some souvenirs for your friends while you're out."

"It's alright; I've still got the money you gave me yesterday."

"Well you go on and spend it now. This is our holiday and our spending money. Have a good time, be careful and be home before dinner."

"I will, Mum. Bye!"

Remus took his time, strolling along the cracked sidewalks leisurely and wiped the sweet juice from the peach from his chin with the back of his hand. He hadn't liked lying to his parents but he knew they would never have approved of him meeting a stranger and following him around the foreign country. They had a very valid point, he knew, but he also thought that as his parents, they underestimated his abilities to fend for himself. His skill with defensive and offensive spells had even caught Sirius and James off guard in practice duels a few times, and his lycanthropy gave him inhuman strength and agility that he was confident could get him out of most trouble that he might come across. Besides, it would have been too difficult and would have made him feel embarrassed and naive if he'd tried to explain to his parents how Ernesto seemed so genuine and how he simply made him feel comfortable. The boy reminded him of someone and yet he still couldn't think of who.

He paused at the same spot of the brick wall that he'd sat at the day before, and glanced around. He was ten minutes early and he couldn't see the dark haired Ernesto, but there were plenty of other people on the beach. He quickly made his way down to the lapping water and dipped his hands in the cool waves to wash away the sticky peach juice on his hands. Wiping his wet hands on his jeans, he made his way back to the brick wall and was surprised to see Ernesto, in white knee length shorts and a red shirt, leaning casually against the low wall with a smirk on his face.

With a start, Remus realised that the boy reminded him of Sirius. The familiar easy slouch and devious smirk made it suddenly clear, but it had also been the boy's confident, forward personality and warm charisma that had first reminded Remus of the Animagus.

"If you wanted to play in water, you could just say."

Remus knew when he was being teased and only rolled his eyes playfully. "If I wanted to play in the water I wouldn't be wearing jeans. What did you have in mind for today?"

Ernesto stepped back over the wall and onto the street and Remus followed. "I will feed you good food, real food – I have heard what the English eat and Spanish food will be good for you," Remus chuckled and matched Ernesto's leisurely pace as he continued, "You look like a man who appreciate beautiful things – you will like our art, music and dancing. I can show you this."

Remus grinned and nodded, trying to ignore the way his heart seemed to skip a beat at that. Then Ernesto turned and gave him that ever present smile. "And I will take you to see people, just normal people. Maybe we can teach an Englishman how to play real soccer."

At this, Remus laughed. He'd heard of the intense rivalry between the different techniques of the muggle sport. His mother's muggle family was particularly fond of it and he'd heard enough about it to know the very basics, but he hoped Ernesto would somehow not notice his ignorance of a sport the man expected him to be quite familiar with.

He followed Ernesto across the street, and his smile was honest and warm. "I'd like that."

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Madrid was a wonderful place. It didn't have quite the same flair as Rome or Barcelona boasted, but there was something about it that was so much more... _real_. The architecture was certainly beautiful and with each step, Remus could feel the city throbbing with culture, history and life all around them. Walking with Ernesto (or Ern, as the boy had kindly offered after Remus' fourth fumble with his name), he got the sense that it was very different to what it would be if he'd been with a tourist group and a tour guide. He followed the Spaniard down small side streets and watched as they were greeted by other locals who Ernesto was familiar with.

He was then taken to a busy but cheerful vendor who, Ernesto assured him, sold the best empanadas Madrid had to offer. Remus didn't have anything to compare them to but he was inclined to believe him because the odd little things that seemed like strange pies were delicious. His Spanish companion had collapsed into fits of laughter when Remus' face contorted at the odd taste of sultanas in the meat, but apart from that, Remus thought he wouldn't mind having more. Ernesto had other ideas, taking him to another vendor who sold _'Churros cooked perfect. Only my abuelita makes better'_. Remus approved of the sweet dessert that seemed like an unraveled doughnut, but perhaps crunchier, and then Ernesto told him to dip it in the tiny box of melted chocolate and Remus wondered if this was what falling in love was like... except with pastry and chocolate, which made it that much better, really.

Luckily, Remus had been careful to study the foreign muggle currency and they encountered no problems when boarding a old, rundown bus to take them to the Mesea Del Prado art gallery. It was an amazing historical building absolutely filled with masterpieces and he was told that it would take them three whole days to really savor it. But rather than giving Remus a history lecture on some of the paintings, Ernesto told him about the subjects of the paintings and the culture that had inspired many of them. "These paintings are beautiful but life is better," Ernesto pointed at a painting of Mariachis and people dancing, "I can show you this in life, later in evening."

Remus reluctantly allowed himself to be led from the gallery and they caught another bus to, '_it is surprise, just wait'_, whatever that meant.

Remus knew he should have felt more nervous and wary being led around by someone he knew so little of, but Ernesto was so warm, friendly and his kind brown eyes were honest and welcoming. Remus trusted him and he found himself forgetting that this was someone he didn't know well – it was like following a very cheerful, enthusiastic friend around. And when Ernesto took his hand when helping him down from the bus that never quite came to a halt to let passengers off, Remus could only feel a strange sort of nervous excitement in the pit of his stomach and his heart picked up its pace.

They seemed to be in a less crowded and more spacious area of Madrid and it seemed to be more of a practical living area than the tourist areas. Remus followed the slightly shorter figure to a small house, painted a bright cheerful yellow, with white shutters and a white door. It looked old and worn; the paint was chipped and peeling from the walls and door, but it looked like a home.

Ernesto opened the gate with comfort and ease and Remus hesitantly followed.

"I hope you do not mind seeing my family for a while. I need to speak with my father about something."

_His family?_ Remus slowed and came to a stop behind him. "Your family? Don't you think they'd rather I waited here? You don't know me very well, after all."

"No, no, do not worry," Ernesto beamed at him, that same warm smile, and Remus found himself relenting, despite himself, "They will be so happy to see you – they know I am with you today and besides, it is Sunday, they are having uh – it is where all the family is together and we cook meat, corn and fish..."

"A barbecue?"

"Maybe, I do not know English word for it. But they will love your company there – it is a happy time and we can show you good soccer."

"I can't intrude on your family, I'll wait here. I really don't mind."

Ernesto looked scandalized. "You cannot wait here, _outside!_ You are my guest, come inside, you are very welcome here."

Remus hesitated. He would feel terrible intruding on a family's time together but Ernesto seemed so certain and genuine and he knew it would offend him if he insisted on remaining outside. "If you're sure... "

"I am." Ernesto took his hand again as if to emphasise his point and Remus felt his uncertainty slip away with the touch. He was led around the side of the house into the small backyard and he was met by dozens of welcoming, smiling faces.

The first thing that Remus noticed was that it was loud. There was fast, Spanish music playing, children were laughing, playing and shouting at each other and the adults were laughing and talking loudly. It was strange feeling so welcome. The adults rose to greet him and some of the children stared at him curiously. Most seemed to know a fair bit of English and Remus understood why when Ernesto introduced him to his parents.

"Remus, this is my mother and father, Florine and Oscar. They are English teachers at school here."

Remus smiled politely and shook the extended hands, finally understanding why his new friend was so fluent in English.

"It is very nice to meet you, Remus." the woman named Florine smiled, her eyes pleasantly crinkled at the corners from constant smiling, "You must stay for a late lunch – we would love to have you."

Before he could protest, Ernesto's tall father (Ernesto seemed to have inherited his mother's short stature) spoke, clapping his hand on Remus' shoulder warmly, "I hope our Ernesto has been good to you. Sometimes he forgets manners in place of enthusiasm. He's been speaking English well to you?"

"Err, of course," Remus looked up at the intimidating man while Ernesto muttered what sounded like a complaint from next to him, "I've been having a brilliant time, he's been very kind and patient with me. Thank you for letting me visit, I really don't want to intrude..."

"Oh, he's so sweet, Oscar," Florine turned to her husband, "What a pleasant boy. Here, Remus, you can come sit with me. We love having you."

She wrapped a small, plump arm around his shoulders and guided him to the rest of the family who had resumed their seats and places. Remus looked back, feeling welcomed but awkward, to see Ernesto give him an apologetic smile before turning to talk in rapid Spanish with his father.

Florine talked to him easily, asking about his stay and his country, while also telling him about her family and job. She and Oscar had five children, of which Ernesto was the second youngest, and she told him that she loved talking to English people as she felt she was sometimes distanced from the culture and language she had studied and loved. Remus thought he would have felt too awkward sitting with someone's family that he barely knew, but they made him feel right at home, smiling at him, laughing with him at something the children had done, and piling a plate in front of him with barbecued meat.

They seemed very pleased to see him eat it so, not wanting to offend them, he ate what he could before sitting back to watch the children play soccer and a couple of Ernesto's relatives get up to dance. He'd wanted to see Spanish culture at its heart and, he thought to himself, he couldn't have gotten much closer than this.

Before much longer, Ernesto reappeared, looking somewhat relieved about something. Remus watched as he played with his little cousins, nephews and nieces for a little while before approaching Remus again.

"Would you like to go see Parque Del Buen Retiro? It is beautiful place at this time."

"_A_ beautiful place, Ernesto", his mother corrected him absently and ignored her son's responding sigh, "But that's a good idea."

She turned warm, brown eyes, so like her son's, to Remus. "You will love it there. It is a park but it is very beautiful, with history, statues, a lake and at sunset today they play bongos and dance."

"I'm sure you'd rather stay with your family..." Remus admitted to Ernesto, wondering if these people had a limit to their generosity. Apparently not, as Florine let out a loud laugh and a, "So polite, what a sweet boy, this one!" and leaned across from her chair to kiss him on the cheek. She leaned back in her chair, ignoring Remus' blush, and pointed sternly at Ernesto, "You take good care of him and take him back to his hotel before it gets dark, you hear me, Ernesto?"

"Yes, ma." Ernesto smirked, looking as if he wanted to roll his eyes, "Come on, Remus, before she tries to make you her own son."

"And I would too!", the small woman exclaimed happily, leaning back over to kiss Remus on his other, still blushing, cheek. Ernesto extracted Remus from the Spanish family's goodbyes and calls to visit again, and they left to catch another bus.

"Your family is so nice." Remus smiled as they walked down the street, thinking that there was really no way to express his gratitude for how they'd treated him.

"Ah, thank you. They like you very much too. My father wants to know if you'll come back during your stay. We would like you to, if you are not too busy."

Remus felt a warmth rise inside of him and he shoved his hands into his pockets awkwardly. "That's very kind of them... I think I'd like that if you would too."

"Yes, I would." Ernesto turned and flashed that ever present, cheerful smile and Remus thought his stomach felt as if it jumped up and down excitedly, for no particular reason. He tried to ignore his body, which was reacting so strangely lately, and they boarded another bus. The road was uneven, the day was reaching sweltering temperatures, the bus was crowded and this particular bus driver didn't seem to be aware of a thing called a speed limit. It was an uncomfortable but short trip, made even more uncomfortable by Remus getting catapulted into Ernesto more than once when the bus took particularly sharp turns. Ernesto laughed it off but that only made Remus' stomach do that uncomfortable flipping thing again and he was just relieved when they departed from the bus.

Remus wiped the sweat off his brow and squinted in the sunlight that seemed to be fading. He quickly glanced at his watch, wondering where the time had gone and how it had gotten so late without him noticing. But then he looked around at the park and forgot about the time.

Ernesto and his mother were right – it was a beautiful place.

The sun, just beginning to set, cast a brilliant orange glow on the solemn but regal building beyond the lake and fountains, and marble statues stood in silent, frozen vigil around the park. He followed Ernesto across the grass, looking around in contentment at the people littered around the park, lying on the grass, reading books, taking photos and, in the shade of some of the trees, couples were holding hands in the peace and quiet of the Sunday evening.

"It should begin soon," Ernesto said from just ahead of him, "We will be able to see the dancing from the lake."

They came to a stop before the edge of the lake and they looked out across the water silently for a moment. The scenery was amazing but something else was on Remus' mind. He wanted to express his thanks to the kind boy that had showed him around his city, but he knew that anything he said wouldn't truly express his gratitude. He awkwardly scuffed his shoe against the grass as he tried to work up the nerve to speak.

"Thank you... for everything. I never imagined that a holiday would be this amazing and it is because of you. I don't know how I can ever repay you."

Ernesto turned to look at him and the setting sun seemed to glow on his olive skin and deepened his eyes into different shades of brown. He was smiling again and Remus noticed, with a sort of vague absence that he had a freckle below the corner of his mouth.

"You don't have to repay me – I like you, I like being with you. Your company and memories is enough."

Remus stopped noticing the park around him, he forgot the people, the sunset and even where he was. There was just the handsome face moving a little closer and he had the ridiculous urge to touch him, to see if the skin was as warm as the personality beneath it, to be as close to him as possible. His heart was thudding madly in his chest, his palms were damp with sweat and his breathing was uneven and nervous. Remus wasn't aware of moving closer but suddenly those eyes were looking directly up into his because of his slight height advantage, and his lips were parting to warm breath.

_Bang!_

They both jumped and as purely a reflex reaction, Remus roughly pushed Ernesto back a little.

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

Remus glanced around and saw the bongo players smiling as their hands hit the instruments rhythmically and dancers dressed in colourful, traditional garb emerged, twirling and smiling enthusiastically. Remus hardly saw them. He quickly looked back to Ernesto to see a hurt, worried look on his face and he felt his heart drop into his stomach.

Desperately, he tried to fix whatever it was he'd just done, but he didn't know what to say because he didn't quite know what had happened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It is no problem," Ernesto shook his head sadly and watched the dancers for a moment, "After today, I thought you are like me; you seemed to like me the same way I like you. It is my fault for being wrong, do not be sorry."

Remus stood there awkwardly for a moment and silently watched the music and dance display, but he didn't really see any of it.

He thought he knew what Ernesto meant when he'd said he thought he was like him, but _was_ he wrong? Remus knew himself that he'd been feeling strange all day. When Ernesto smiled at him or touched him it felt as if he'd stepped through one of the trick steps on a staircase at Hogwarts – his stomach flipped, his heart sped up and there was something odd going on with his breathing, as if his body had forgotten how to do it properly. But Ernesto was a boy and Remus had always fancied girls... _hadn't he_?

He thought carefully for a moment and realised that no girls had made him feel even half the things he'd felt with the boy standing next to him. He'd never had the urge to touch them, to be close to them, and they'd never made him feel so nervous before in his life. He'd kissed a girl once, Debra Fields, back in fifth year, and it had been pleasant but unremarkable and he hadn't wanted to do it again. But he wanted to kiss Ernesto and even if his mind hadn't been aware of it at first, his body knew.

The drums stopped, the small crowed clapped politely and Remus was jolted out of his thoughts. He clapped automatically, even though he hadn't really heard or seen a minute of the performance.

"I will take you back now. You should be at hotel before it is dark."

Ernesto seemed to make a point of not touching him as they made their way back to the bus, although he smiled and talked as politely as ever. The bus ride to the beach where they'd first met, was awkward and quiet and seemed to take hours, although judging by the setting sun, it wasn't more than fifteen minutes. Ernesto stepped off the bus with him and they watched it roar away, leaving only the quiet chatter of the few people on the beach and the soothing sound of the waves.

"If I have offended you, I am very sorry."

Remus started at the solemn words, feeling guilty instantly. "No, no, I'm not offended. I... I don't know what I am." He finished with a nervous chuckle, thinking that that statement rang too true – he'd meant he didn't know what he was feeling but he also had no idea what he _was_, now.

Ernesto regarded him carefully but there was no smile this time, only an apologetic expression. "You are still welcome to come with me next weekend, when I don't have work. We can go around the city again, but it is no problem it you don't want to. I understand."

"No... I'd love to do this again", Remus smiled hesitantly, "Really, I had a great time."

The slightly shorter boy nodded. "We meet here, Saturday, same time next week?"

"I look forward to it."

Ernesto flashed him a shadow of his old smile and gave him a brief wave before making his way up the street. Remus watched him go, his heart sinking. Common sense was screaming at him to just walk away, back to the villa and meet Ernesto again next week so he had time to sort out his thoughts. But for once, Remus Lupin ignored common sense.

"Wait!"

He hurried after the figure but stared in uncertainty when Ernesto turned to look at him expectantly.

"I was uh... wondering if you... if you wanted to... try again."

Clumsiness with words did not come naturally to Remus and he felt his face warming up in utter embarrassment. He sounded like an idiot, a complete fool, but Ernesto didn't seem to think so. A hint of a smile tugged at Ernesto's mouth and his eyes brightened a little.

"You want to try kiss again?"

Remus knew his face was bright red and that that probably wasn't very attractive, but he smiled nervously and nodded. This time he was prepared when Ernesto leaned closer and he tilted his head slightly in encouragement. For the second time that evening, he forgot his surroundings, he forgot that people were even around, but this kind of loss of control was different to the one that he dreaded each month; this was thrilling and exciting and _wonderful_. Then warm, soft lips were pressing against his own, gentle but firm, and Remus just wanted to do this forever.

A rough, slightly calloused hand cupped his jaw and, not quite knowing what to do with his own hands, Remus awkwardly put his hands on the chest before him. The mouth opened against his and Remus automatically copied, allowing their tongues to slide together and – _sweet Merlin, why had he never done this before?_

Ernesto was a good kisser; much better than Debra had been, but Remus wondered if perhaps that was because Ernesto was a man and he was undeniably more attracted to this man than any girl he'd seen. In any case, he responded with only a hint of hesitation, moving against the mouth that was making his brain seem to buzz oddly but pleasantly... until he was brought back to Earth by a loud wolf whistle.

Remus pulled away reluctantly, remembering where he was and his skin crawled with embarrassment at the thought that he'd been kissing a man in public. A middle aged female tourist hooted at them, grinning, apparently being the one who whistled and Remus waved awkwardly in response, his face burning.

He looked back at Ernesto and returned the brilliant smile that was back on the man's face. He knew now that he needed to do some serious thinking about himself but he certainly didn't need to think about how much he'd enjoyed that. He bit his now damp bottom lip in thought before trying to explain this.

"I don't know if I am... like you, like you said," Ernesto's smile faltered a little but Remus continued, "But I'm on my way to finding out and I don't think we're so different."

Ernesto considered him for a moment before grinning again and shaking his head. "You think a lot, Remus. But I like that, I guess."

Remus' heart jumped into his throat when Ernesto leaned forward again, but it was only a chaste peck on the lips and then he pulled away. "I will see you on Saturday. Maybe we do this again, I would like that."

"I'd like that too."

Ernesto stepped away again and waved, smiling that brilliant, heart warming smile before heading off up the street again.

Remus turned, heading for the road that would take him back to the villa, and he didn't see the beauty of the beach or the sunset. Once he was out of sight of the beach, he allowed himself the ridiculous smile that had been waiting to burst from him and brushed his fingers against his lips in thrilled disbelief. His mind and heart were racing but as he approached the villa, he tried to school his emotions back under control. He'd always been exceptional at concealment and he hid the telling smile and worked a pleasant, tired look onto his face. His cheeks were still flushed with excitement but he was hoping his parents would think it was sunburn.

When he entered the cozy lodgings, his mother chastised him for being late, but it was half-hearted and she immediately moved on to asking how his day was.

They went out to a little restaurant that night for dinner and all through the meal, his parents commented on how happy he looked.

"I guess this Spanish air is doing me good." He replied, smiling warmly and already thinking about the approaching Saturday, hoping it would come soon.

OOOOOOOOO

_I'm sorry if this is too boring at the start but I think I got carried away with it. I know most of you are probably hanging out for some R/S or at least some sort of serious slash – I'm trying to hurry! _

_Anyway... I don't know if the Spanish put sultanas in empanadas but my culture does (and it's fucking delicious); I apologize if it's not the same! Also, I hope Ernesto isn't too stereotypical or anything. I've met people like him but I hope he's not too... bleh, for an OC. _

_Thanks for reading and don't forget to let me know what you think :) I love getting comments – they make my day!_


	3. A Church And A Farewell

_Had so much fun with this! Thank you to everyone who commented – I'm giddy with joy to see that people take the time to read and comment on this._

OOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 3: A Church And A Farewell**

Remus couldn't help feeling guilty for wishing the week would speed up and bring him Saturday. This was a family holiday, after all, and he should have been happy spending so much time with his parents, but he couldn't get his mind of the kind, brown eyed boy that had made him question everything he was.

Hesitantly, at first, Remus had approached the idea of being attracted to men. The day after he kissed Ernesto, he sneaked a glance at a waiter that brought him and his parents lunch. He was hoping that maybe this attraction to Ernesto was just a phase and that the attraction was only for the one man that had been so kind to him. But he surprised himself by not being terribly disappointed when he noticed how handsome the waiter was and how he certainly wouldn't mind kissing him either.

The prospects of this new discovery scared him – he didn't want to be ostracized and condemned by society twice over, but he felt also a nervous excitement that he wasn't expecting. This was a part of him that he'd never been aware of or explored and, although he was the cautious one of the Marauders, he was a Marauder for a reason, and he sensed that a small, hidden part of him itched to explore this.

On Friday night, he received an owl back from Lily asking for him to tell he more about his holiday, ordering him to tell her everything. He sat at the small writing desk before the window looking out onto colourful, sunny gardens, and hesitated, quill poised in indecision above the parchment. He desperately wanted to tell someone everything; he wanted to blurt it all out to an understanding ear and blab about his discovery, fear and uncertainty and also a bit about his excitement. Lily was certainly an understanding person, she was kind, compassionate and he was sure she would never be disgusted with him. But when preparing to write all that had happened, he couldn't help but feel a little... stupid. Here he was, on a brilliant holiday and all he could think about was a boy he had met and how, in very little time, he'd formed an attraction for him. Remus bit his lip and was just considering lying to Lily, or at least omitting the whole truth, when the courage the Sorting Hat had placed him into Gryffindor for, kicked in. He forced himself to begin writing and found that when he did, it was surprisingly easy to continue.

_Dear Lily,_

_It has certainly been an eventful holiday. I'm having a wonderful time here and I hope your summer is great too, but I wish you were here with me now more than ever. I feel ridiculous for writing to you about this but I feel I must tell someone before I lose my courage and set about trying to hide it from everyone, including you. _

_The new friend that I mentioned in my last letter offered to show me around Madrid and (after significantly less thought than was probably wise), I accepted. He showed me what a beautiful place this is and I got to see the culture at its purest, all thanks to him. His name is Ernesto and he is a truly kind and amazing person. This is going to sound ridiculous and I feel like a fool for writing it, but I like him in a different way to which I like other friends and, judging by the way we kissed, I think he feels the same way. _

Here, Remus paused, hoping his parents wouldn't come back to the rooms after their late night cocktails, to see him blushing like the setting sun and looking like he wanted to throw up or burst into laughter. He wanted so badly to rip up the letter, bunch it up, burn it, whatever, but he forced himself to continue:

_I've thought about it (quite extensively, as you've probably guessed) and, just maybe, this isn't a phase and indicates something about myself that I've been unaware of up until now. In any case, I think I'm quite aware of it now, and it explains many things that I'm beginning to wonder about. I've happily agreed to meet Ernesto again on Saturday and while I don't think it's 'serious', as such, I will be glad to see him again. _

_Words cannot describe how absolutely ridiculous I feel, writing this all to you and feeling it too, but perhaps you get the idea from this letter. I just needed to tell someone to make it more real and I trust you'll keep this between us as, I admit, I am still confused and hopeful that this is a passing phase, in which case I will never be able to face you again. But for now, thank you for listening to my confused blabbering. Please tell me more about your summer as you said nothing about it in your last letter and I'd like to know what ridiculous things James has sent you this year to express his undying love. _

_When I get back, perhaps I'll be of a more sane mind again to tell you more about Spain itself and the sights I've seen. I'll try to take some photos to show you this wonderful place and maybe in a couple of days I'll be able to reply to letters as a better conversational partner and less like a stuttering thirteen year old girl who has encountered Sirius Black for the first time._

_Awaiting your reply with trepidation and still feeling like a fool, _

_Remus._

It took all of his considerable amount of self-control to reread the letter. He concluded that that was as good as it was going to get, frowning at the last line only for a contemplative moment, before attaching it to the leg of the Lupin family owl, Desdemona, and watching the dark owl disappear into the night with only a tired hoot.

Remus returned to his bed and flopped back onto it ungracefully, still fully clothed. His stomach was churning uncomfortably and his mind simply wouldn't calm down and shut up. His heart thudded madly at the thought of seeing Ernesto again tomorrow and even though he'd been sure he'd be up all night thinking about it, he found himself drifting into a deep sleep.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Remus met Ernesto the next morning at the same place and, with nothing more than a quick peck on Remus' lips, the older boy took his hand and they set off on foot to wherever it was Ernesto was taking him. Remus had to take back his hand a few times to wipe his damp palm on his jeans, embarrassed, but Ernesto only smiled at him and squeezed his hand reassuringly when their fingers interlocked again.

They walked along cracked sidewalks, Remus staring around at the busy weekend life in interest until they came across a magnificent, old, crumbling church. Locals passed it by without a second look but to Remus it seemed like a solemn memory brought to life, standing tired and faded, but also resolute in the harsh morning sun. Ernesto seemed to notice his interest and, leaving the plan for the day for a moment, he led Remus to the old building. They came to a bronze plaque before the church and Ernesto translated it into English for him, although it proved only to tell of the church's use as a religious retreat in the 1700s.

"We can enter, if you want."

"Are you sure?" Remus breathed, thinking that a single loud noise would bring the decrepit building to rubble.

"Of course, people from other countries come here a lot."

Ernesto pushed at the heavy wooden door, which opened with surprising ease, and they stepped inside. The air was musty but cool and their footsteps echoed off the crumbling stone walls. It looked as if it had been frozen centuries ago with the old, worn furniture and frayed ornaments giving it a solemn, abandoned look. Nevertheless, as a frozen piece of history caught in the present, Remus considered it amazing and he glanced at Ernesto briefly to see his reaction. Glancing around the room furtively, brown eyes catching on the crucifix hanging on the wall above the altar, the Spanish boy crossed himself.

Remus was surprised, but only a little as he was well aware that Catholicism was common in Spain. "Are you religious?"

Ernesto glanced at him quickly then dropped his hand as he seemed to become aware of himself, smiling a strange sort of bitter smile that didn't suit his kind face. "No, I was once. It is just something I got used to doing and that is why I still do that now."

Before Remus could say anything, Ernesto continued, leading him between the stifling silence of the empty wooden benches and up to the altar. Dutifully, Remus examined it but his mind was stuck on the bitter smile that had vanished now from Ernesto's face. They wandered over to another door that looked well used and Ernesto opened it with only a feeble shriek from the hinges. It led back to the outside and the back of the church. They stepped out into the harsh glare of the sunlight and Remus saw that they stood in what appeared to be a cemetery. The tombstones and crosses looked weather worn and, normally, Remus would have been interested in reading the words on them, but he was still thinking about Ernesto.

He knew he shouldn't have asked, that it wasn't really his business, but Ernesto had descended into a brooding silence and Remus just wanted to help. "Do churches bother you... because you were once religious?"

Ernesto smiled sadly before surprising Remus by turning and walking away from the graveyard, around the side of the church, as if to talk in private. Remus hurriedly followed into the cool shade that the church cast and watched as Ernesto leaned back against the rough wall of the side of the church.

"I am not comfortable with churches because they are not comfortable with me. I used to love coming to church, thinking of God made me happy and coming to church was coming to see family," Remus listened silently, feeling his heart drop at the morose tone and explanation that he was coming to understand, "But then they found out I am different; I did not want to marry girl and until I change I am not let back in my church."

Ernesto fell silent and he appeared to be studying the long grass at their feet while Remus grappled for something to say. "I'm sorry... that they didn't accept you. It must be difficult coming here to a church, I didn't know-"

"Do not be sorry, it is not your fault," Ernesto flashed him a reassuring smile, "I do not mind so much, anymore. I am happy meeting people like you and I will be happy one day to meet a boy I love and be hated by church, than meet a girl I do not love and have church happy with me."

Remus stared at him as this kind Spanish boy shone in a different light. Because he always seemed so cheerful, Remus had assumed that he was happy with his life and had little to bother him, but he realised that the boy was braver than that, much braver than Remus knew he could properly comprehend. Silently, he leaned back against the wall next to the still figure and looked at the person that he'd come to respect and think of as a good man.

"You will find that person someday and he'll be a very lucky man."

Ernesto turned and smiled at him, his eyes slightly brighter. "Thank you," he paused, then a mischievous smirk twitched as his mouth, "But for now, you will be enough."

Remus didn't even have time to laugh or be surprised as warm lips pressed against his own and after only a moment, he pressed back earnestly. Ernesto's body was warm and firm, contrasting with the cold, rough stone against his back and without thinking about it, without even being aware he was doing it, Remus pushed his body against him. The other boy seemed to take this as a sign to continue as he slid their tongues together and wrapped his fingers in Remus' fair hair.

Remus knew his mind was being overpowered by the pleasant sensations, he knew that there were valid reasons that they should stop or at least slow down, but Ernesto smelled so sweetly of cinnamon and it felt so good pushing against him like that. Ernesto moved around so he was directly in front of the slightly taller boy, pressing him firmly to the wall and gaining better access to his mouth. Without having to think about it, Remus' hands were in the short, warm, wavy hair and Ernesto seemed to approve of this, moaning into Remus' mouth. It was that sound more than anything that woke Remus up a little bit and he pulled back, panting slightly.

He was just about to say that they should stop and move on with the day, that they didn't know each other well enough to be doing more than this so soon, but then he saw how Ernesto's eyes had darkened with arousal and how his full lips were red and parted. Ernesto leaned forward again and Remus' protest was lost in the warm, wet mouth that was making his head feel light and his legs unsteady. But those weren't the only parts of his body that were affected; Remus felt the familiar pleasant tingles centering in his groin as his heart sped up its pace and thumped madly to send blood down there. Realising that he had an erection, he desperately tried to lean further back against the wall so Ernesto wouldn't feel it – it was embarrassing to have gotten hard from one kiss and he didn't know if Ernesto even wanted to go any further yet, although that certainly seemed likely by the way he was pressing against him. With a small grunt, the shorter boy wordlessly answered this thought by roughly pushing their hips together and Remus' shout of surprise was lost in the boy's mouth.

Ernesto did it again and this time Remus was able to vaguely register that the hardness pressing against his own meant that Ernesto was just as excited as he was. With a dazed, stunned disbelief, Remus realised that he had aroused someone; had made them hard. He'd never considered himself particularly attractive – he was skinny, scarred and rather plain, but here was evidence that someone saw more than that in him, and the thought allowed him to lower his defences a bit more and forget about protesting.

Ernesto's hand slid down Remus' body to cup him roughly through his jeans. Remus' head shot back against the wall, rather painfully as the wall was solid stone, and he panted loudly, breathing in the cool air in contrast to the warm tongue that had just been occupying his mouth. The hand cupping him squeezed and rubbed rhythmically and his hands slid down to clutch roughly at Ernesto's chest.

"You want more?" Remus shivered at the husky, deep voice that breathed in his ear, still recognisable as Ernesto's but undoubtedly affected.

He nodded, not know how far the boy meant by 'more', but he'd known Ernesto only to be kind and patient and trusted him to be the same now. Still, he couldn't help but feel a tug of uncertainty at the feeling of hands undoing the button and fly on his jeans, but then Ernesto quickly pulled him out of his briefs and the feeling of skin on skin made Remus forget all about everything else. He arched into the hand, his mind going blank, not even having the presence of mind to be embarrassed about this being the first person to see his erection.

He could only try to control his breathing as Ernesto smiled at him encouragingly, alternating with pressing their lips together and looking down at his own hand moving over Remus' cock. It felt wonderful, exquisite, so much better than his own hand, but Remus hadn't forgotten the feeling of Ernesto's hardness pressed up against his, and he reached down to fumble with the button and fly on Ernesto's knee length shorts.

Dark brown eyes sought out Remus' and Ernesto seemed to assess him for a moment before he helped Remus with his other hand. Somewhere, in the very back of his mind, a completely delusional part of Remus hoped that this was still a phase, maybe just hormones making him horny for anything, but his first touch of another man's cock completely silenced that part of him.

It was hot and silky and when he ran his hand over it like that, Ernesto groaned and bucked into his hand. It looked different to his own; it was darker and slightly shorter but thicker, and the hair at the base was black, not dark gold. It was also different to touching his own; he could feel the soft texture better and he realised with an inward, shocked snicker, that in a single moment he became completely confident that _this_ was what he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, not any part of a woman.

Seeing his partner enjoying his touch, Remus became more confident, gripping tightly and alternating fast and slow movements as Ernesto was doing with his. Ernesto was loud; he moaned and grunted noisily while Remus tried not to pant too harshly, but the thought that they were in a public place, even if they were removed from the sight of the public, didn't even compare to his urgency to find completion.

Ernesto pressed their hips together again and while in this position, their hands sometimes bumped each other awkwardly, but if they thrust their hips just a little, their cocks slid against each other. Remus had thought a hand had felt good but another cock against his own was everything wonderful just rolled into one action. There was no denying it; he was a complete shirt lifer – he'd fallen in love with the feeling of a cock pressed up against his own and if that wasn't a sign that he liked men, then he didn't know what was. There was no time to ponder on such a revelation though, he just kept thrusting against the warm, quivering body before him and kept pumping his hand, now moving as fast as he could as he felt himself getting close. Ernesto copied and their movements quickened, becoming urgent and frantic and Ernesto's noises became louder and closer together. Remus was shaking inside, his legs were weak and everything was blurring before his eyes as all the sensations gathered in his groin. He heard himself let out a moan that sounded nothing like him, as fire raced up his spine, his fingers and toes tingled warningly and all the pleasure burst from him in a warm spurt into Ernesto's hand. He was bone-tired, he wanted to slump to the ground and never rise again, but he kept moving his hand for just another few seconds before Ernesto was groaning loudly, muttering something in Spanish, and then Remus' hand was covered in hot, white climax.

Ernesto slumped against him and they breathed heavily for many long moments as their bodies slowly returned to normal. Remus' eyes were closed in bliss as he let the most intense post-orgasm ecstasy he'd ever experienced, wash over him, making him dopey and content. He wanted so badly to just sink to the ground and lie there forever but then he remembered where he was. He was around the side of a historic old church, leaning against the wall... _that he had his first sexual experience with a man against!_

His eyes flew open and he glanced around quickly just to make sure that there really was no one around. Embarrassment crawled beneath his skin and he buried his face in Ernesto's warm, cinnamon smelling hair.

"Is something wrong?"

He heard the concern in the voice and answered in a solemn, steady voice. "We just had gay sex... against the side of a church."

Ernesto moved slightly and Remus raised his head to look into deep brown eyes. For a moment, he feared that he'd offended Ernesto by bringing to light the blasphemous act they'd just committed by bringing each other off against the church wall. The eyes stared at him blankly and the mouth was not smiling as it usually was.

Then Ernesto laughed.

He didn't just chuckle – he broke down into gales of loud laughter that Remus found he was unable to resist. He joined in and they both held each other up as they snorted and laughed loudly until they eventually ran out of air.

They rested their foreheads together as the last snorts of mirth escaped from them and Remus would have been content to stay there all day. At that moment, however, they heard voices from the direction of the cemetery and they froze against each other. Their shock only lasted for a moment before they hastily cleaned themselves up, wiping the mess they'd made, off on the grass and tried to look presentable. Stealthily they crept around into the back of the church and fixed innocent looks onto their faces, but Remus noted that Ernesto's was slightly ruined by his eyes, which were still full of devious mirth. They spotted a man and a woman, who looked like tourists, walking among the graves with their back to them as they talked loudly to each other in English.

Ernesto took his hand as they quietly made their way to the back door of the church, but the man unfortunately turned and spotted them. He smiled and waved politely and Remus did the same, although he noticed that the man's eyes then roved over their still rumpled appearance and Ernesto's messy hair, finally finishing with their linked hands. The man's smile faltered and Remus felt his face heating up. At that moment, Ernesto seemed unable to hold in a loud burst of laughter and both woman and man turned to stare at them in shock, the man's eyebrows raised pointedly.

Ernesto raised a hand over his mouth to muffle his chuckles and hastily pulled Remus over to the door, waving goodbye to the shocked tourists as he shut the door behind him. Not caring that it was a church, they ran past the altar and the empty wooden benches and out the front door. Only when they'd walked a little down the street did Ernesto finally allow himself to start laughing again and Remus couldn't help but join in.

Madrid moved on around them but, just for a moment, Remus stood in the middle of it all and laughed.

OOOOOOOOOO

That weekend and the next would be times in Remus' life that he would never forget.

His parents didn't question that he spent the weekends away from them, and he thought they might have even appreciated it as Remus supposed he wasn't the only one caught up in the exotic, romantic atmosphere. Also, in the next few weeks, Lily replied to his letter, expressing surprise, support and what sounded like annoyance that she couldn't talk to him about all of this in person. He didn't reply because by the time the owl delivered it to her, he would be back in England anyway, and he thought she'd like to discuss everything in person.

While he was still in Spain though, he spent the weekends with Ernesto, visiting more museums, art galleries, beaches and once, an open-air cafe before returning to Ernesto's house for a quick visit.

The experience that he'd had with Ernesto at the side of the church had surprised Remus by actually relaxing him. It had revealed to him who he was and had made it so undeniable and certain that Remus saw no point in trying to deny it anymore. He liked men and Ernesto had shown him that there were other people out there like him, that it wasn't the worst thing in the world to happen to him, even though it wasn't the best, and that good would come of it; in fact, it already had. Ernesto had shown him that one day he could meet someone and be happy, happier than he'd ever imagined he could be because, before, he'd never felt that happiness at the thought of being with a girl and had assumed that that sort of giddy love didn't exist for him.

He had so much to thank Ernesto for and he was dreading the return home as he'd felt happier and more relaxed during his stay than he'd felt for a while, Ernesto being a large part of that, but they both knew that this wasn't a long-term thing they had. Remus liked him a lot; he was a wonderful person and his looks didn't leave him wanting, but he'd known from the start that a relationship would never work and they both knew they were comfortable parting as friends.

They agreed to meet the night before Remus was due to leave for Britain, at the same spot on the beach where they'd first met, to say goodbye.

Remus had never been at the beach at night but it was still beautiful. The waves rolled, ever relentless, but other than that it was blissfully still and silent. Remus took a seat on the same spot on the wall where he had that first day, and stared up at the sky. The stars peppered the darkness but the almost full moon sought out Remus' eyes and he grimaced at it. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't have stayed; he would be a monster in less than three days.

"Surprise!"

Remus smiled and turned to look at the dark figure approaching.

"Still no surprise?" Ernesto asked disappointedly, his fourteenth attempt at making Remus jump being another failure.

"Nope."

Ernesto sighed and sat beside him and they both looked out at the waves in comfortable, companionable silence.

"If you come back to Madrid anytime, you will come see me?"

Remus smiled honestly. "Of course, it would be the first thing on my list. Maybe apart from eating more Churros. If you ever come to England, you'll come see me, won't you?"

Ernesto's grin brightened and he nodded. "I would love to go to England. I will come see you, maybe someday."

Remus fumbled with his pocket before retrieving a piece of paper and handing it to Ernesto without quite looking at him. "I know we can't be... together, or in a relationship, but I still want to be your friend. Will you write to me? This is my address and my parents will send anything you write along to me at my boarding school."

Ernesto took the piece of paper before folding it carefully and placing it in his pocket. Then he smiled again and took out a different piece of paper from his own pocket. "I was hoping for same thing. Here is my address, I hope you write to me soon."

Remus took it and examined the untidy scrawl for a moment before pushing it deep into his pocket with a returning smile. They were silent for a few minutes and Remus realised he was getting sleepy when Ernesto spoke again, with a mix of curiosity and mischievousness in his voice. "So, do you know if you are like me, now?"

Remus chuckled, scuffing his shoes in the sand. "Are you trying to say that you've got a thing for guys, Ernesto?"

The man laughed, shaking his head. "I _knew_ you were – I knew the first time I talked to you."

Remus frowned a little considering this. "How? Is it really that obvious?"

Ernesto cocked his head to the side, thinking for a second. "No, maybe not to anyone not like us. I notice it because I look for it, because it is nice finding someone like me."

Remus smiled a little sadly. "Really, thank you for everything. You've done more for me than you can even imagine."

He wasn't expecting the soft, familiar lips to brush his cheek briefly, but he was glad when they did. "You are very welcome. You have done good things for me also – I know there are people like you, someone who I will love for my life. I will miss you, Remus."

Remus watched as Ernesto rose, stepping over the wall and back onto the street. Strong arms embraced him from behind and he reached up to tightly grip the forearms crossed across his chest, leaning back into the warm body one last time, soaking everything up while he could.

But then Ernesto was pulling away, smiling that smile that Remus would never forget, and he turned to walk down the street. "Don't forget to write to me and maybe I will send you my abeulita's churro recipe!"

Remus smiled at the retreating figure and waved. "I will!"

He stayed there until long after the figure had disappeared and watched the waves roll onto the beach, relentless and unknowing that they heralded the new chapter of Remus Lupin's life.

OOOOOOOOO

_Yes, they had sex (sort of) against a church wall. What of it? ;P I hope it wasn't too... I dunno, there could be a lot of things wrong with it. I know it happened quickly but, to me, the situation was perfect and I didn't want to pass it up, besides, it wasn't the most intimate sex they could have. Anyway, I love comments – I feel honoured when I see new reviews! _

_Return to Hogwarts for next chapter. FINALLY some hints of S/R. Thanks for reading, everyone!_


	4. Noticing Remus

_Why are all these chapters so damn long? Thanks for all the comments and support, people, you all continue to amaze me! I hope this one isn't too boring, but hey, it's filled with Sirius Black and titled Noticing Remus, so it shouldn't be too bad, right? I love comments! **Wink wink, nudge nudge** ;)_

_Note: To the anonymous reader who pointed out that Madrid is very far from the beach, I know and I'm so sorry for the inaccuracy regarding your home town! But really, it was the perfect place for this fic so I couldn't help myself. Thanks for being such a good sport about it though :)_

OOOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 4: Noticing Remus**

For the first time since he could remember, Sirius had actually enjoyed his summer.

The summer before that he'd been too preoccupied with settling into his new life with the Potters and trying to forget his old one with the blood relatives he no longer called family. But this summer was different. It was just him and James for most of it and they'd had a blast, wandering around Muggle London for hours on end, playing one-on-one Quidditch as often as they could and generally laying about lazily while dodging thoughts of holiday homework. Here and there, there were days where James would visit Lily or vice versa, now that they were dating and she'd stopped threatening to deform him in horrible ways, and Sirius mostly stayed out of their way during those times.

He was happy for James, really he was; the guy had been chasing the girl relentlessly for six years and now he'd finally got her and her him, but there was a small – _alright, a significant_ – part of him that was jealous of losing his best mate to a _girl_. He just couldn't see the appeal. Lily was alright, sure, when she wasn't wielding a wand threateningly, and she could be kind and funny, but Sirius had spent time with girls who were also kind and funny, but he'd never wanted to spend time with them in place of his best friends. It was times like these where he wished he could go see Remus or Peter and complain (Sirius didn't _bitch_, thank you very much), about this to them, but Remus was off holidaying in Spain for three weeks and Peter had family over and was busy for most of the holidays.

Sirius loved James; he was like a brother to him, not by blood but by mind and heart, but even the best of brothers needed time apart from each other. They functioned best as the Marauders, with all four of them. They needed Peter for the one they could be united by helping and to make them feel appreciated; and they needed Remus for his calm logic that pulled them all together and made them into _something_, and stopped them from biting each other's heads off. So although Sirius had had a decent holiday, he was relieved to be seeing his other two friends and returning back to normalcy with them.

Sirius searched the crowd of heads for a low, blonde head and a taller light brown one that would signal his friends' arrivals at the platform. Steam hissed from the train and he could hardly hear James asking him for the fifth time if he'd seen Lily, over the sounds of owls hooting, students laughing and shouting, and everyone chatting noisily about their holidays. He was just about to turn and tell James to piss off and look for his girlfriend himself, when he saw a fiery red head hurrying through the crowd.

_Here we go_, he thought, rolling his eyes, _the mushy, supposedly romantic run and jump into each other's arms with squeals of_ 'Oh Jamiekins, how I've missed you!' _and_ 'Lilyflower, I love you so much!'. Sirius ignored for a moment the fact that Lily would never do something like that, in place of being bitter about their sickening love fest.

James saw the hurrying shock of red hair too and he grinned, but Lily didn't even look at him as she ran past his open arms.

They turned, one in hurt shock and one in amused surprise, to see Lily fling herself at a tall, fair haired man. Said man laughed in apparent delighted surprise, and hugged her tightly as he lifted her just slightly off her feet in an embrace. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw James give the man a suspicious, hurt glare, but then Lily was pulling away and Sirius looked back at the two. For a moment, Sirius watched as Lily chatted happily to him, eyes lit up and cheeks flushed as she grinned from ear to ear, but then he took a proper look at the bloke she was talking to and he gaped in surprise.

It wasn't a man – it was just Remus.

But he was different. He had grown, shooting right up until he was almost as tall as James and maybe taller than Sirius by an inch or two, but it wasn't just height that made him look taller; he also held himself differently. He held himself with greater confidence and with less tension, as if he was more sure of himself, and Sirius had trouble remembering that this was once the scrawny little boy that had shaken like a leaf when the Sorting Hat was placed on his head all those years ago. Sirius sensed more than saw James' mirrored shock but before he could comment, Remus had glanced over and spotted them.

The tall werewolf who was more man than boy now, hurried over to them, Lily trailing behind, a wide grin on his face as he drew them both into a brief hug. With a spark of annoyance and childish jealousy, Sirius noted that his childhood friend _was_ a little taller than him now and that somehow during the holidays he had filled out more. He no longer felt so frail and the body that pressed against Sirius was solid and stronger than he remembered. When Remus pulled back and smiled at them, Sirius also noticed that his skin was slightly tanned and, with a vague absence, that a couple of freckles dotted the bridge of his nose.

"Merlin, Remus, what the heck did they feed you in Spain and where can I get some?"

Sirius was brought out of his shock a little by his best friend's disbelieving voice. Remus laughed modestly but it wasn't the same shy, embarrassed laugh that Sirius remembered – it was warmer, more cheerful.

"Meat, sugar and that's about it. I had the time of my life."

"Yeah, I'll say," James muttered, looking his friend up and down while Sirius frowned in suspicion at the knowing smirk on Lily's face, "You look... different. Good different, but... different."

Remus shrugged nonchalantly but the simple roll of his shoulders had Sirius noting that the movement was easy and fluent, less nervous and awkward than he'd always remembered.

"I'd show you some photos but I know how you two feel about museums and art galleries, Merlin forbid that you actually learn some _history_. So how were your holidays?"

James chatted easily about the things they'd done and about halfway through his retelling of how Sirius had almost got run over by a motorbike, Peter showed up and he was asked about his holidays too, but still Sirius remained silent. He stared intensely at the werewolf, struggling to accept that this was the same boy he'd known since first year. Truth be told, he'd always felt Remus was more frail and delicate than the others, even when he'd proven himself to be able to hold his own against them, but now he looked mature, sure of himself and like a... like a man.

It unnerved Sirius and he wasn't sure he liked it. This was going to change the dynamics of their group – Sirius had always accepted Remus as the shy, quiet one that he could always depend upon to be there, waiting quietly outside the limelight while Sirius and James formed their infamous reputations. But would he be the same now? This Remus commanded respect and Sirius got the feeling that if the werewolf now demanded something, he would actually feel compelled to do it.

Sirius jolted out of his thoughts when Remus moved, leaning in close to James to take a good look at the HB badge on his chest. Remus' face lit up with surprise, amazement and something that looked like pride in his friend, and suddenly Sirius knew that he wanted Remus to be making that face for him. He wanted this new Remus' respect and admiration – he'd never wanted someone's approval so badly in his life. This alarmed him because Sirius Black didn't want anyone's approval; in fact, he'd sought out disapproval of practically everyone for almost all of his life and he refused to suddenly begin bending to someone else's whims and wants just to impress them.

Then Lily was saying something to James and in the brief interlude, Remus smiled warmly at the brooding, silent animagus and Sirius momentarily forgot to breathe. He stomach jumped in alarm, his heart stuttered uncertainly and for a moment, Sirius was taken aback by how wonderful Remus looked when he smiled like that. Then, remembering that he looked like an idiot just gaping at Remus like that, he hastily returned the smile clumsily and he thought he saw the light honey-brown eyes flicker in slight concern.

But then James was calling over his shoulder as he, Lily and Peter set off to get a carriage, and Sirius started out of his uncharacteristic awkwardness. He quickly levitated his trunk onto the train and stepped up after it, sensing Remus following behind.

James, Lily and Peter had already pushed their trunks into the overhead spaces and Sirius and Remus did the same before returning to say goodbye to their parents, or in Sirius' case, his best friend's parents. Mrs Potter embraced both boys tightly, telling Sirius to try to behave and James to uphold his position as Head Boy. Mr Potter gave them both a brief, one-armed hug and asked with a hint of amusement that no more letters be sent to them about one of them making something explode. They laughed, agreed (well, James did, anyway) and departed, rejoining their friends back in their carriage to wave goodbye out the window, equally terrified and excited about their last year.

When the train drew away from the station and the waving figures eventually fell out of sight, they all sprawled onto the chairs. The exception was Remus, who reached up to the overhanging space to open his trunk, smiling slightly.

"Before you ask, yes, I did bring you all back some gifts."

James whooped and grinned, already reclining slightly across the seat next to Lily. Sirius watched as Remus turned and tossed a large bottle of what looked like a Spanish brand of Wizard Brandy at James, who deftly caught it, whistling in appreciation.

"Although I'll expect you'll have to confiscate it from yourself, Head Boy", Remus grinned at him. James snorted. "As if", while Lily pointedly closed her eyes and turned her head away, obviously trying not to smile. "I saw nothing."

It was Peter's turn next to receive a quality Spanish leather wallet and he turned in over carefully in his hands, his eyes wide, mouth fumbling over his thanks. Remus was already digging in his trunk again, emerging with something colourful and neatly folded, with a book,_ About Madrid_, on top, for Lily. She gushed excitedly as she flicked through the book on the history of Madrid and bright pictures on important sites, before holding up what looked like a bright red and gold shawl. Remus laughed as his arms were immediately filled with excited Lily and she draped the cheerfully coloured shawl around her shoulders, admiring the rough, hand made clothing.

"Good choice, Moony; Gryffindor colours."

"Shut it, you," Lily smiled, flapping the end of the material into James' face before turning back to Remus, "It's beautiful, I love it."

"I'm glad you do."

Sirius' heart completed an award winning somersault as Remus reached into his trunk again. He was sure he could hear his blood pounding in his ears when the man emerged, holding up a black, leather jacket.

Remus smiled, placing it in Sirius' disbelieving hands. The leather was soft and Sirius could instantly tell it was of excellent quality. He'd complained something fierce last year, when he'd spilled Firewhisky on his old leather jacket and, no matter how desperately he spelled or scrubbed, the stain would not come off. Remus, kind, thoughtful, clever Remus, had bought him a new one, of even better quality, and hand-made in Spain. He stared down at the clothing in his hands in awe, and if he'd been able to think properly, he would have thought that today was one of the quietest days of his life.

"I think that means, 'thank you'." James said in wry amusement to Remus as they watched Sirius stare in amazed silence at the jacket.

"Well, in that case, you're welcome." Remus addressed Sirius kindly, reaching up to shut his trunk before flopping down onto the seat across from him. This woke Sirius up a little and he finally allowed himself to grin, thinking about how _brilliant_ this genuine Spanish leather jacket would look on him when he rode his new motorbike. He still couldn't think of anything to say but Remus saw the grin and understood, smiling back before settling back in his chair with a book.

Before long, Lily announced that she and James had to go organise the prefect meeting and she carefully folded her new shawl and stashed it in her trunk, then leaving the carriage with James behind.

Hastily, Sirius retrieved a Quidditch magazine from his trunk and pretended to immerse himself in it to avoid showing his discomfort around Remus when talking to him. Luckily, the carriage wasn't too silent as Remus chatted with Peter about the shorter boy's holiday in between reading his book, and he appeared busy enough not to notice Sirius stealing glances at him from over his magazine. He couldn't help it – it was as if a strange, previously undiscovered creature had sat down in the carriage and he just wanted to watch it forever. His eyes hungrily took in the light brown hair, streaked with dark gold, and the comfortable, reclining but still graceful posture, with the long, lean legs crossed. Remus talked and smiled more easily than he used to and Sirius drank it all in, finding that he wanted to see and hear Remus' smile and laugh more often – he wanted to see all of him more often.

He couldn't help his eyes from flicking up and down Remus' body curiously, wondering what he looked like beneath those baggy clothes now that he wasn't so scrawny. His eyes had just paused on the hint of a collarbone he could see beyond the man's shirt and jumper, when he realised that the room was silent. He glanced up to see that Peter was looking out of the window in a daze and Remus was looking directly at Sirius, eyebrow raised in question. Sirius froze before trying to smile his trademark, careless smirk but it felt unfamiliar and awkward on his lips and he felt his face heating up.

_Was he...?_ No, Sirius Black did _not_ blush! Remus appeared to notice this too as his other eyebrow joined its twin, rising elegantly as his eyes paused on Sirius' flushed cheeks.

He scrabbled for something to say but thought that the truth, or a part of it, sounded more plausible than any lie he could have come up with at that moment. "It's just... you look... different."

"So I've been told." Remus smirked, but it was humorous and not unkind.

"What happened? Did something happen over the holidays?"

Remus paused, apparently thinking cautiously as the train rattled and they swayed with the hurtling machine. "To be honest, I don't think I've changed that drastically, I just... know myself better now. I suppose visiting a different culture helps you do that."

This appeared to be all that Remus intended to say on the topic as he rearranged his book pointedly and Sirius responded with a small "Oh", before going back to his magazine in the descending silence of the carriage.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Remus tried not to dwell on it, he really did, but Sirius' silent, brooding stares had been getting to him. The usually loud, talkative boy had barely spoken a word since he'd seen him and he'd been looking at him with this expression on his face that made Remus wonder if his recent revelation about his sexuality was stamped across his forehead in glittering rainbow flamboyance for only Sirius to see.

He crossed his legs the other way when he felt Sirius' eyes on him again and he was considering talking to Sirius directly about it, asking him what exactly was going on, when James and Lily reappeared from their meeting. They both looked tired and James complained loudly about the prefects being whingers who he planned to feed to the giant squid, but surprisingly, Lily didn't counter him. She gave Remus a pointed look and indicated towards the door. Understanding but still a little confused, he followed her back out the door, as she muttered "I need your help with something", apparently only for the benefit of the others. As he closed the door behind them, Remus could feel Sirius' eyes on his back again.

In a flash, Lily had turned to him, drawn her wand, cast two-way silencing spells on the surrounding carriage doors and fixed him with those intense green eyes. Remus only had a moment to appreciate the girl's impressive wandwork before she spoke, her voice commanding and fierce but he could hear the eager curiosity beneath it. "Honestly, Remus Lupin, you send your friend a letter out of the blue, telling her you think you're attracted to men, that you _kissed_ another man, an exotic Spanish man, I might add, and you don't reply to my letter. You're lucky I didn't send you a howler after receiving no reply for three weeks. Tell me everything."

Remus felt blood rising to his cheeks and he hissed at her to lower her voice, but she airily waved it away. "The silencing charms will hold for a long time and I made them strong enough to withstand a whole ocean of merpeople singing out of water. Now talk."

Remus took a deep breath and, trying to ignore the uncomfortable, nervous feeling in his stomach, obeyed and began speaking. Lily listened silently, her face showing various expressions as he spoke but she never made an attempt to interrupt. It felt good, telling someone he trusted everything that had happened. It had been embarrassing at first, but she seemed only eager to hear everything and he found himself suddenly eager to tell. However, his courage faltered at the point where he began telling her about kissing Ernesto around the side of the church. At his now fumbling words and returning blush, Lily quickly deduced what he meant and her eyebrows rose and she gasped. "You did _what_?"

"Not everything," he hastily tried to clarify, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, "We didn't go very far. It wasn't... you know, sex, exactly but err, it kind of made things clear, that it was for real, that I really... was attracted to him."

"So you... _in a church_?"

"No, no, it was outside, around the side and – that doesn't make it that much better, does it?"

Lily snorted and tried to stifle a giggle. "Alright, alright, you defiled the _outside_ of a church. Go on."

Remus sighed and failed to hide his smirk before continuing. He talked more generally about what a great time he'd had with his new friend, trying finish up quickly before the food trolley Lady started her rounds, ending the hasty retelling of his holiday with how he and Ernesto had exchanged addresses to write to each other.

Before he'd left for Hogwarts that summer, he'd told his mother that if anything arrived for him by muggle post from Spain, to send it to him via owl. She'd asked if he'd made a new friend over there and if they were now pen pals, and while he didn't tell her the whole truth, he didn't feel bad by confirming that.

"How unfair," Lily shook her head after he finished speaking, smiling, "On the first holiday you ever have, you go to Spain, meet a sweet, exotic Spanish guy, who shows you the most romantic time and gives you your first sexual experience. I've been to France _four times_ and the most I've gotten was some old guy trying to feel me up without so much as a, 'How do you do?'"

Remus laughed and wordlessly, Lily drew him into a tight hug, transforming all the support, comfort and love that she could give to her friend without words. He held her back and was grateful to have someone who he could talk to about all of this, someone who wanted to hear about this new part of his life and was there to support him, even when he didn't want to admit to himself that he was still nervous and needed such support. Unfortunately, James chose that moment to emerge from the carriage, in the middle of calling back to his other two friends, " ... to the loo."

He turned to see Remus and Lily caught in an embrace and raised his eyebrows pointedly, but his smirk showed his limitless trust for his friend and girlfriend.

"No, don't mind me; please, go back to your secret love affair and just ignore the hurt best friend and boyfriend."

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed while Remus smiled apologetically at James and unwrapped his arms from around the red head.

"We will and I'll enjoy every minute of it, Potter." Lily retorted, pecking James on the cheek and winking openly at Remus before slipping back into the carriage. James grinned and bumped Remus playfully with his shoulder as he passed, whining pitifully. "Remus, how could you? I thought we had something special together – did last night mean nothing to you?"

The werewolf rolled his eyes in an imitation of Lily and flipped James two departing fingers before following his red headed friend back into the carriage, trying not to grin like a madman. He couldn't help but look forward to the new school year. There would be piles of work to do, stressful, life-changing exams and the prospect of farewelling the place that had been a home to him for the past seven years. But, he had the best friends possible to help him deal with all of this and they certainly wouldn't be left behind with all the memories.

He smiled, watching the friends that he cherished more than anything.

James had come back from the bathroom within minutes and was engaging his dark haired best friend in excited chatter about the prospects of their Quidditch team for the year, his eyes lighting up behind his glasses as he compared the abilities of their team mates and opposing teams. Peter watched this debate, eyes flicking back and forth between his two friends as he waited dutifully as ever to show his support for the boys he practically worshiped.

Lily sat, legs crossed as she flicked through the book he'd given her, her eyes pausing and brightening on a photo of Parque Del Buen Retiro, cleverly recognising the park from his descriptions. She flicked him a knowing smirk, well aware that that was the place where he'd almost kissed Ernesto that first time and then went back to the book happily, reading about the history of the park.

Then finally, Remus' eyes landed on the other Marauder, Sirius Black, the obnoxious, confident boy who had reason to be, talking animatedly to James about Quidditch.

Once, in sixth year, Lily had asked Remus how he could stand being around Sirius when he was so arrogant and self-obsessed, even more so than James. Remus had simply told her that there was more to Sirius than the eye could see, that you had to really get to know him, but later that night, he'd thought about her question more deeply. There certainly was more to Sirius than arrogance and undisguised talent and good looks. At his heart, he was a passionate man; he loved things intensely and fiercely, including his friends, and even though he made mistakes and often acted rashly, he would die for his beliefs, doing what he thought was right. Thinking carefully about it, Remus thought that this part of Sirius was like a mirror to Lily and that that was probably why she clashed so ferociously with him.

What Remus didn't tell Lily was simply how easy it was to get caught up in Sirius Black. Remus watched him talk, admiring the familiar, passionate glint in his grey eyes that had been absent thus far in his uncharacteristic silence, watching as his hands gesticulated something about Quidditch that Remus would have thought boring, but wouldn't have minded watching Sirius talk about it for hours.

The exotic creature that was Sirius Black had always fascinated Remus, intimidated him a little, but fascinated him, nonetheless. But now, knowing what he did about himself, he found the warmth in his stomach and the gentle smile forming on his own face from just thinking about his friend, infinitely more disturbing than he used to. It had always been this way, his silent admiration for the Black heir just another part of the dynamics of their friendship, but now Remus realised it for what it was and knew he had to stifle it before it got out of hand.

Funny that it should take him three weeks in another country to realise that his feelings for someone went much deeper than they should have.

And just as Remus was hastily averting his eyes from his handsome friend, Sirius was glancing over at him, wondering how it took Remus holidaying in another country for three weeks for him to really _see_ the mild-mannered, fair haired man for the first time.

OOOOOOOOOOO

_I would love any comments you choose to bestow on this humble writer! I know that this chapter was massively long and rather uneventful, but the next chapter will hopefully be more exciting so please don't give up on me yet. :) _

_Hey you, yeah, you, sitting there reading this – you're awesome._

_Cheers!_


	5. A Black's Antics

_Wow, this fic is turning out to be much longer than I thought and Christ, these chapters are long! Sorry about that. But truly, you reviewers are just too damn awesome for words and I appreciate you all so much that I never know how to reply to you. Truly, I am overjoyed to read your words. :)_

OOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 5: A Black's Antics**

For Remus, school had never passed so quickly before. It seemed like only a week, but already, they were six weeks into the school year and teachers were already preparing them for exams, even though the mocks were months away. He understood their anxiety though, as he himself was reviewing the completed content of the year every weekend and he'd even seen James reading a textbook for revision after they'd finished their homework.

It was no surprise to him then that one fateful Friday, Lily Evans shuffled into the Great Hall for breakfast, the bags under her eyes mimicking Remus' own. Without a word, she took her place on the bench opposite Remus, in between James and Peter and dumped her bag beneath the table unceremoniously.

"Let me guess; Arithmancy essay?" Remus suggested sympathetically after swallowing his bite of toast.

Lily grimaced and nodded. "Four feet on Alura Bowen's influence on the new theory of Numerology. It was a nightmare! I could have condensed it to a paragraph and still gotten my point across."

Remus hummed his sympathy, inwardly thanking his lucky stars that lately Sirius had been in a rather helpful mood, and, although the animagus didn't take Arithmancy, had skim read the last first few chapter's in Remus' text book when he heard he was having trouble so he could help him with the essay. Never before had Sirius taken an interest in helping others so generously with homework; he would occasionally correct a wand movement for a spell that he had perfected, but never before had he gone to such lengths before – Sirius hated reading his own textbooks! But Remus had not commented on the unusual behaviour and had simply accepted the help gratefully as Arithmancy was insanely difficult and he, Lily, a Ravenclaw and Snape were the only ones to take the subject in seventh year.

"You should take a break this weekend, Lily, just take some time to relax." James suggested, handing her a steaming cup of coffee that he'd made only moments ago.

She took the offered cup, smiling amusedly, but there was fond affection there too. "I'm not sure whether I should find it creepy or sweet that you know how I take my coffee even though I've never told you."

"Creepy", Sirius supplied helpfully, in between mouthfuls of bacon.

"Thanks, mate." James shot him a look but his face brightened when Lily laughed and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, telling him that she'd keep him around if he kept making her good coffees.

Remus silently watched this little exchange but his mind was still dwelling on Sirius.

The animagus was being unusually nice to him lately. He'd helped him with that monstrous essay, offered to carry his books for him after the full moon, right after buying him the biggest box of Honeyduke's finest Belgian chocolate while he was in the Hospital Wing. He also interrupted him less when he was studying and every morning, saved him a seat next to him at the table and, vaguely seeing the similarity to his two other friends, Remus realised that Sirius had also been the one to make the tea exactly the way he liked it, that was placed beside his plate every morning. That wasn't to say that Sirius had turned into an angel; no, he was certainly still loud, obnoxious and a prankster, but he treated Remus a little differently now, almost as if he were trying to please him.

It unnerved Remus. Sirius Black did not suddenly start being kind to someone for no reason, and the thought was disturbing. The only plausible explanation Remus could come up with was that Sirius was planning a huge prank that would inconvenience him in a huge way, and so the animagus was apologizing for it in advance in his own strange way. The thought wasn't comforting and Remus found himself watching Sirius suspiciously for signs of this ominous joke but he couldn't detect even the slightest conspiratorial look or smirk – it was just Sirius, but nicer.

Something heavy splattered into Peter's plate of cereal and the resulting globs of sugary wheat and milk that landed on Remus' face and in his hair, rudely awoke him from his thoughts. Peter cursed and dragged out the sodden newspaper that an owl had dropped while the people around him tried to wipe breakfast off themselves. Remus was just wiping his face when he caught sight of Sirius' grin, who miraculously and irritatingly had somehow avoided the flying cereal.

"What?"

"You look like you've got vomit in your hair."

Sirius reached over and, instinctively, Remus made to swat the infamous prankster's hand away, but the wizard only plucked the remaining bits of soggy cereal out of his hair.

"Oh, err, thank you."

Sirius seemed to realise what he was doing and he quickly turned away, muttering gruffly. "No problem."

Remus turned back to his breakfast, trying to ignore how his stomach was still jittering uncomfortably, when he saw that Desdemona, his family's owl, had landed in front of him with a letter clamped in her beak. He took the white envelope and she hooted gratefully, picking at the stray clumps of cereal still splattered on the table before descending on Remus' toast. One glance at the address on the envelope and Remus had to suppress his wide grin. He recognized the untidy scrawl immediately and he knew of only one person who would contact him here and use a blue muggle pen and muggle paper.

Deciding to read it later, when he had more time and privacy, he shoved it into his pocket. Luckily, he and Lily had an hour break before Arithmancy, while James, Sirius and Peter had Divination.

It was only another ten minutes or so before three out of the four Marauders were getting ready for their lesson, two grumbling their dislike and contempt for the subject while Peter stressed that his Dream Diary had too little entries.

Remus watched them leave before asking Lily if she wanted to spend their study hour outside. It was a warm day and she agreed happily, although Remus had chosen outside more for the privacy so he could read and reply to the letter without nosy people looking over his shoulder as they sometimes did in the library.

They'd barely sat down in the shade of a large oak tree when Remus was already reaching into his pocket to retrieve the letter. He opened it eagerly while Lily took out textbooks and parchment, and began reading immediately.

_Dear Remus,_

_It is Ernesto writing, if you did not already know. I was disappointed that you did not write to me and then I remembered how you are and that you would not like writing if I did not first, so I am sorry for writing so late. _

_I have been studying to make my English better so maybe one day I will be teacher like my mother and father. Speaking of mother, she told me to write and to tell you that you are welcome back here anytime as she likes you so much. Do not think that she is that nice to everyone! Last week she made me ride my bike for hours to take food to her friend and then was angry when I complained. I am sure she loves you more as she has already asked me three times if I made you feel welcome enough to come back. I would be very thankful if you write and told her to be nicer to me as she loves you and will believe everything you say. _

_Please write to me of England, I have always wanted to know what it is like there – and do not only answer with 'cold'! Tell me about your school, your work, how it looks there, your friends, the food you have there – I wish to know everything! Also, please tell me when you find someone more than friend so I can be happy for you; you deserve happiness. You have made me happy until I find that forever person, and every time I walk in front of that church I think of you and laugh. _

_I better stop writing now as I must go to work and there is studying to do and I know you will be doing the study too. Please write back soon, I will be very happy to see your answer. _

_Forever your friend,_

_Ernesto._

Remus didn't suppress his grin this time and Lily noticed. She looked over, saw the writing written with a blue muggle pen and guessed cleverly, smiling. "Ooh, he's written, then?"

Remus only grinned and held out the letter to her, knowing that she was itching with curiosity but was too thoughtful to ask to read it. But since he was offering, she took it eagerly and her bright laugh pierced the peaceful silence of the warm day as she read the letter.

"He sounds so sweet. It's great that you've both decided to stay friends; I hope I stay on good terms with the first person I do something like that with."

Remus took the offered letter back and smiled as he reread it quickly, already forming a reply to the letter in his head, even as he replied. "Don't worry, James will most likely ask to marry you after anything remotely sexual and he'll want many, many little messy red haired, green-eyed babies.

Lily laughed and tossed a few stray leaves at him and out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smiling with a slight blush adorning her lightly freckled cheeks. He was already in the process of taking out a quill and parchment when Lily spoke again.

"You should send him photos", she suggested thoughtfully, leaning back on her hands on the grass, "I mean, obviously don't take photos of anything magical but you'd probably be pretty safe with taking photos of some of the things he asked to hear about, and it sounds like he really wants to learn about everything over here."

He thought about it and nodded. "That's not a bad idea. I'll see if I have any magically undeveloped photos to send him-"

Remus' heightened sense of hearing suddenly jumped to attention at the sound of a twig cracking nearby. Eyes narrowed, he tried to look around the trunk of the tree without making too much noise, only to see Sirius saunter around it with an almost-bored-I-am-in-need-of-urgent-entertainment-someone-better-oblige-immediately look on his face. "Alright, Moony? Evans?"

"Making a habit of skiving off class to eavesdrop, are we, Black? " Lily snipped testily, glaring up at him.

Sirius scoffed in return, leaning casually against the smooth trunk. "Hardly – as if I secretly want to hear you two gossiping like two old birds about books and potions and studying and, for Merlin's sake, _history_, of all things. Divination was canceled, something about the tea being a bad batch and making everyone able to see through each other's clothes. Did you know that Patil has a tattoo of a Griffin on his back? Not bad for a snotty, stick-up-his-arse Ravenclaw," Sirius grinned devilishly at Lily's stern look of disapproval and Remus' attempt at hiding a smirk, before turning his attention more seriously to Remus, "Who's the letter from, anyway?"

Remus felt his heart thump in a rather more panicked beat than he was used to. "A friend."

"A friend? You don't have any friends outside of Hogwarts."

Remus knew Sirius hadn't meant it nastily, that Sirius could be brutally honest without seeing the need for tact, but the comment still stung a little.

"For your information, I met him in Spain. And we became _very_ good friends during my holiday." He replied bitingly and perhaps his tone was just a tad icy as he could see Sirius' mind ticking over behind the narrowed, grey eyes.

"Why'd you want to send this _friend_ that you were with for three weeks, photos, anyway?"

Remus felt panic flood his stomach in a sick rolling wave, but he hid it well and opened his mouth to reply but Lily got there first.

"I thought you were supposed to be of at least a mediate level of intelligence, Black," she snapped, pretty green eyes narrowed at Sirius dangerously, "The guy lives in Spain, he wants to know about English culture. Why don't you put two and two together."

Sirius' lip curled in a sneer, showing perfect, white teeth, and appeared to be about to offer a snide remark, which would then start a fight with Lily, resulting in curses being cast, James would be torn and angry when he heard about it and Remus just didn't feel like dealing with it.

"I'm going to the library," he muttered, getting to his feet and pushing Ernesto's letter into his pocket, "I've got to return a book before Arithmancy. See you later."

He glanced back when he was halfway up the castle steps to see Lily looking terribly annoyed at being left alone with Sirius and annoyed with Sirius himself, while Sirius was staring after him with a peculiar look on his face that Remus wasn't sure he wanted to know any more about.

It was that same look that Sirius got when a prank was proving particularly troublesome and he had to actually think to get it to work just as he wanted – and Remus knew that Sirius _always_ got things the way he wanted them.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Rather than becoming cold towards him, as Remus had expected, Sirius had gotten closer, practically hounding his every move, grey eyes fixed on him constantly and listening to every word that came out of the werewolf's mouth. He seemed to be looking for any clues about Remus' friend, and while he wasn't ashamed of Ernesto exactly, Remus couldn't help but guard the details of his new friend from his older one. He planned to let the Marauders know about him and his discovery eventually, but since trying to suppress his _too friendly_ feelings for Sirius, he feared that once he revealed his sexuality, Sirius might become aware of Remus' feelings too. The last thing he wanted was one of his best friends becoming skittish around him, so he said nothing about Ernesto and acted as if nothing was amiss, even though Sirius Bloody Black was practically breathing down his neck all Friday and sticking to the same routine through Saturday morning. He'd already accidentally stepped on Sirius' toes a few times that morning because he was walking so close to him, although he mostly deserved the crushed toes, Remus thought exasperatedly as Sirius silently placed a couple of slices of bacon on Remus' plate without consulting him.

With an inward sigh of relief, Remus sipped his tea (that he suspected Sirius had made, yet again) as James pestered Sirius about hurrying up with his breakfast so they could get to Quidditch practice faster.

As Captain, James wanted to portray a keen, enthusiastic face for his team, to intimidate the opposition and enliven his own players. This strategy didn't appear to be working as the Gryffindor team grumbled and cast their Captain dirty looks as they tried not to fall asleep in their bowls of porridge. But Remus was happy because Sirius, as a Beater, would be occupied for a few hours and he might actually be able to get more study done without Sirius sprawled out over his text books, trying to get his attention.

James roused his less-than-enthusiastic team, not seeing the finger Sirius stuck up at him behind his back, and the miserable group headed out of the Great Hall. For a moment, Sirius hesitated, looking down at Remus, as if considering saying something.

"Sirius, let's go!"

"Right, you arse, I know!", Sirius called back before turning to Remus again, looking a tad nervous and distinctly un-Siriuslike, "Save a spot for me where you're studying. You can tell me all about the fascinating goblins, trolls and veela wars that you've memorised from History of Magic when I get back, alright?"

Remus gaped as he watched him jog off, actually feeling a spark of amusement and a touch of uneasiness at Sirius' dedication to 'Stalking Remus Day'. Lily appeared to share his surprise as her faint red eyebrows rose dramatically, but anything she might have said was cut off by Peter.

"Are you not...?" the short boy glanced from the seated Remus to the retreating Quidditch team, "The practice; you usually watch it with me."

"Oh, I was planning to have a study day in the library," Remus started apologetically, but at the anxious look on Pete's face, he relented, "But I guess I could study outside for a few hours."

Peter looked relieved and Remus rose with him. Slytherins often went to Gryffindor practices to jeer and distract the players and sometimes they would pick on Peter if he was the lone Marauder on the ground. Remus turned to see Lily following with a resigned look on her face.

"You should stay in the warmth, Lily. James was right; you need some rest."

"Oh, bless you – _James was right"_, she rolled her eyes as she playfully mocked her best friend, "Certainly not something I would admit freely, Lupin. Besides I need to see your Defence notes and then I'll rest when we get back, before we go to Hogsmeade."

She looked tired but she managed a warm smile and Remus agreed as they set off after the Gryffindor team, which were long gone by now.

The players appeared to be in the changing rooms and the Hufflepuff team were still up in the air above the pitch, finishing a few last maneuvers during their practice before Gryffindor came on. Dutifully, Peter, Remus and Lily took their place on one of the lower stands and Remus and Lily promptly took out books. Remus had just handed Lily his neat, detailed notes when a sharp blast of air from a player flying rather close ripped the parchment out of his hand, carrying it down onto the grass.

"Bollocks." Remus muttered, getting to his feet hurriedly and hoping that he could get to it quickly enough so that the wet grass wouldn't smudge his hard work. Luckily, the player that had caused this, swooped down, picking up the parchment while on his broom and zoomed back up to the stands.

Remus grinned when he saw who was graciously handing him back the intact parchment.

"Bernard!"

The tall Hufflepuff chaser grinned at him warmly and hovered on his broom before him.

"Long time no see, Remus. How were your holidays?"

"Pretty good, actually. Yours?"

"Not bad."

Remus had first met Bernard last year, in the library, after he'd amusedly watched the boy muttering under his breath, cursing his homework for many days before he surprised Remus by shyly approaching him and asking for his help. He said that because they were in the same year, he had seen Remus was very good at Defence Against the Dark Arts and he himself just couldn't grasp the subject. Remus had instantly been taken in the the earnest, smiling face, red, freckled cheeks and brilliant blue eyes, agreeing to help the Hufflepuff every second Sunday if, in return, the boy would look over his Charms homework for him. Remus knew that Bernard was only slightly better at Charms than him but he thought the boy was grateful to feel useful and now, knowing what he did about himself, he could admit that he'd rather liked it when the handsome boy seemed so eager to help him.

"Say, do you mind if we talk for a minute?" Remus felt his heart thud a little faster at the hopeful smile on Bernard's kind face and he nodded without thinking.

Bernard glanced over to make sure his practice was well and truly over before holding out a hand in offering to Remus. The werewolf raised his eyebrow and Bernard hastened to explain, his cheeks flushing red easily. "In private, if you and your friends don't mind."

Peter shrugged indifferently and Lily smiled, waving her hand airily before hiding behind a book, but Remus was sure he detected a thoughtful, mischievous glint in her eyes before they disappeared behind _Transfiguration Today_.

Remus placed his hand in Bernard's rather cold one and gave him a hesitant smile.

"Alright, where are we go-_oooaaaahh!_"

When Bernard had guided him onto the broomstick, so Remus was perched in front of him, Remus had been too busy talking to actually realise what this might mean. He quickly bit his lip to stifle his surprised shout and gripped the broom in front of him tightly until they landed gently on the grass at the edge of the pitch.

"Sorry, I forgot that you weren't a fan of anything that flies." Bernard apologised earnestly, helping the ruffled Remus off the levitating broom.

"No, it's fine," Remus gasped, trying to catch the breath that the sudden rush of cold air had stolen, "I should have expected it."

Over Bernard's shoulder, Remus could see that the Gryffindor team had emerged from their change rooms and a few were looking over at them at the sound of Remus' yell. Remus felt his skin crawl with embarrassment at having witnesses to his aversion to and lack of grace on a broom, and quickly looked back to Bernard. The boy's cheeks were flushed bright red and Remus knew he was shy, so he prompted him helpfully.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Well see, I was thinking about – well, I was just thinking that maybe, if you wanted and if you don't have anything you'd rather do, if maybe I could sort of... pay you in advance for helping me with Defence by... err, letting me buy you a drink at Hogsmeade today."

Remus felt an uncontrollable smile rise to his face and he could feel the back of his neck and face heating up, although they surely would never match the brilliant shade of red of the stuttering boy's face.

He'd always thought Bernard to be very sweet, maybe not the brightest boy, but incredibly kind and thoughtful. His blue eyes and warm smile also helped and, while Remus thought he might have preferred confident extroverts to shy men, he couldn't deny that the image of Bernard in the Hufflepuff Quidditch robes was quite fine indeed. Remus almost snickered at the thought that he'd developed a liking for men in uniforms, but Bernard was still standing there anxiously awaiting his answer.

"I like helping you with Defence Against The Dark Arts, so you don't have to pay me in any way. But I think I'd like going to Hogsmeade with you. As long as you promise that we can spend a significant amount of time in Honeydukes, that is."

Bernard's huge smile split his blushing, freckled face and his blue eyes practically danced. "We can spend the whole day there if that's what you want! Do you think you'd let me get you some of that fudge that you said you like?"

Remus' smile widened at Bernard's sweet enthusiasm and was about to tell him that maybe he could buy him some fudge another time, as Sirius had just restocked his supplies, but he was interrupted by James Potter's furious and worried shout.

"_Look where you're going! For fuck's sake, Sirius-"_

Both Remus and Bernard turned to the sound that didn't sound like normal Quidditch training and Remus' eyes widened when he saw two red and gold figures crash right into a dark haired, similarly robed figure. The other two players spun off from the collision, managing to keep a firm grip on their brooms, while the double hit and his apparent lack of concentration had sent Sirius tumbling from his broom. People shrieked and Remus' heart jumped into his throat, but Sirius managed to cling on to his broom with one hand, dangling way above the green pitch. However, his fellow players didn't even have time to move forward to help him when a bludger came hurtling out of nowhere, barreling into Sirius' extended arm with a sickening, gut wrenching crack and, with a shout of pain, the dark haired wizard lost his grip and went tumbling towards the vast, stretching green of the pitch.

Remus wasn't even aware of moving, he just knew that one minute he had shoved past the stunned Bernard and the next he was racing as if in slow motion towards the body that was hurtling to the ground too fast. He hardly even saw the light blue jet of light fly over his head, didn't even register that as it hit Sirius, the falling body seemed to slow down. He only knew that he wasn't moving fast enough and that Sirius had been so far up when he fell; so damn high.

Remus couldn't have reached him before he landed even if he'd had the agility of ten werewolves – Sirius hit the ground with a resounding thud and the sound seemed to stop Remus' breath and heart as effectively as the firm ground had stopped Sirius from moving.

OOOOOOOOOO

_Do not fret, my pretties! Next chapter up soon. Please let me know what you think of this one – reviews make my day and make me type faster :)_


	6. To Fall In More Ways Than One

_This chapter is mostly in Sirius' POV, concerning a bit of the last chapter and then continuing, just to let everyone get the feel of what this crazy boy was thinking. _

_Again, I'm always honoured to get faves, follows and comments. Really, I am honoured. I tip my hat to you all; 'tis a rather nice hat too. :)_

OOOOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 6: To Fall In More Ways Than One**

Sirius strolled leisurely and rather aimlessly down the deserted hall as he grinned at the memory of Professor Mayfield, the elderly divination teacher, shrieking at the hysterical and embarrassed students to calm down.

It was a rather disturbing and yet hilarious sight to see a classroom full of students appearing unclothed and trying desperately to avoid looking at each other, while others simply stared in shock. It had been his idea, of course, as Sirius knew that Mayfield wasn't the best at Charms and, predictably, the Professor had allowed them to leave, canceling the lesson while the spell wore off. Sirius had wanted to go the full monty but James, the swotty git, had insisted on letting everyone keep their underwear visible, and Sirius had reluctantly consented.

Divination was a truly boring subject, and rather pointless too, so Sirius had been looking forward to escaping the lesson and spending more time with his friends. Unfortunately, James, with an obsessive gleam in his eye, had raced off to see if he could track down one of the reserve players for their practice tomorrow, as one of the Chasers had had to go home for family commitments. Peter, naturally, had gone with him and Sirius was now left alone, bored and with very little to do. He withdrew the Marauders Map from his pocket, removed the disguising spell, and searched for Remus. He saw the curvy little letters of '_Remus Lupin_', next to '_Lily Evans_', outside and he made his way there, sullenly disappointed that Remus wasn't alone.

Ever since the start of the year, Sirius had found himself more and more intrigued by the clever, mild-mannered werewolf. The change that Sirius had noticed at the start of the year had not faded but he also noticed that Remus had become just a tad more withdrawn from him. The shift was subtle; Remus stared at him less than he used to and made a point of resisting Sirius' natural overbearing disregard for personal space, but Sirius had noticed immediately and he didn't like it at all.

He wasn't sure why Remus was withdrawing from him but he'd be damned if he would let him. In fact, it only made Sirius want his approval even more and with every step Remus was taking back, Sirius was taking two forward. He'd taken to doing things for the man that he wouldn't normally do; things to please him, to make him pay more attention and take notice of him – Sirius wanted Remus to treat him the same way he used to. If Sirius was honest with himself, he'd always liked the little glances, the stares, the smiles that Remus bestowed on him. They made him feel cherished by someone, in a different way to his other friends; loved and appreciated in a softer, deeper way. And Sirius was determined to get that back, no matter what had happened for Remus to have stopped doing it. It was almost like a game of Remus playing hard-to-get and Sirius couldn't deny that he felt a little thrill at the thought.

Sirius strolled across the still dewy grass, hands shoved comfortably into his pockets, as he made his way over to the red shock of hair he could see beneath a giant oak tree.

He'd already opened his mouth to greet them, well, if greeting was the same as saying something snide about the bright shade of Lily's hair, but he caught Lily's words and stopped to listen.

"... great that you've both decided to stay friends; I hope I stay on good terms with the first person I do something like that with."

"Don't worry, James will most likely ask to marry you after anything remotely sexual and he'll want many, many little messy red haired, green-eyed babies."

Normally, Sirius would have snorted his agreement, but his mind was rather stuck on the word 'sexual' dropping from Remus' mouth like that. Sirius was an intelligent bloke; he knew that, most others knew that, and it wasn't hard for him to conclude that this friend that Lily said that Remus was staying friends with, had done something sexual with him. Flames licked at the insides of Sirius' chest and he knew his face was pinched in anger. Remus shouldn't be doing anything sexual with anyone! Remus was the shy one; he was the thoughtful, kind, mild-mannered boy that was reluctant to do anything deemed inappropriate for a gentleman, even when his Marauder side was in control. Was this the change that Sirius had seen in him? Was this why Remus refused to treat him like he used to? Just because someone else had payed him attention, now he didn't need Sirius anymore?

Anger was clouding his reason, which was never really clear anyway, and he wanted to meet this little, slutty bint that had changed Remus, he wanted to tell her that she better back the fuck off because Remus belonged to the Marauders, _Remus belonged to him_! Sirius' devastating vision of Remus abandoning him to go running off with some bird, was interrupted by Lily.

"You should send him photos. I mean, obviously don't take photos of anything magical but you'd probably be pretty safe with taking photos of some of the things he asked to hear about, and it sounds like he really wants to learn about everything over here."

Sirius' anger froze. _He?_ This friend, this person that Remus had done something sexual with, was male?

Suddenly, Sirius wasn't quite so furious. He was... contemplative.

Remus... liked men. So the change was that Remus was either now aware of this, or more confident about it. Thoughts that Sirius had fervently shoved to the back of his mind since seeing Remus at the platform that day, came rushing to the forefront of his mind. Thoughts of Remus as more than a friend, thoughts of what he would now look like beneath the baggy clothes, thoughts of what particular things he was attracted to, what kind of kisser he might be... And what a different light Remus' attitude towards him before the holidays now shone in. Did all those glances, stares and smiles that was only shared between the two of them... ? Was that the difference – did Remus used to feel something more for him before the holidays?

Sirius was so overwhelmed by his thoughts that he leaned back against the oak for support and a twig snapped under his shifting foot. He knew Remus would have heard it, his wolfy senses intensifying as the full approached, and he hastily fixed what he hoped looked like a bored look to his face and tried to calm himself so he would appear almost normal. Stepping out from behind the tree, he greeted them, but was displeased to see that Lily was not at all impressed with his sudden appearance. This year, he and Lily had come to a silent understanding to snap at each other a little less to make it easier on James, but this girl was rubbing him the wrong way at the moment. He had other things on his mind besides bickering with Ginger.

So as fast as he could, he averted his attention back to Remus. "... Who's the letter from, anyway?"

He watched Remus' features smooth from an amused smirk to an unreadable expression, a clear sign he was hiding something. "A friend."

"A friend? You don't have any friends outside of Hogwarts."

Sirius realised he'd said something wrong when Remus' tone lowered and he got a little too calm all of a sudden with his reply.

A _very_ good friend, he said? Emphasis on the _very_. Emphasis on the underlying meaning of, _oh yes, very good friends indeed, if by good friends you mean we shagged for wonderful endless hours and I became very well acquainted with the exotic Spanish people, well one man in particular and his marvelous anatomy, anyway_. Sirius could practically feel his own anger radiating from him in waves. And Remus was planning to send photos to this man. Photos of what exactly? He claimed they'd remained friends but how _friend friend_ was this relationship, really? Sirius couldn't imagine that Remus would ever take racy pictures of himself to send to someone but yesterday, Sirius would never have thought that Remus would have done anything with a guy he met in Spain either.

"Why'd you want to send this _friend_ that you were with for three weeks, photos, anyway?"

Unfortunately, the bossy, interrupting, nosy red head answered instead, managing to insult his intelligence and simultaneously allow Remus to hide the truth from him as well. He was just about to tell her to do something that would have a great many unpleasant curses cast at his head, when Remus rose and announced in a weary voice that he had to go to the library.

Sirius' anger deflated a little as he watched the man trudge slowly up to the castle and wondered how on Earth Remus Lupin had gotten under his skin without him noticing.

He wanted Remus back and he didn't care what that would mean about himself. He wanted things back the way they used to be, when Remus admired him and, Sirius now realised, when Remus had perhaps even loved him. It didn't matter to him that wanting Remus' love so badly indicated something questionable about himself – all he knew was that Remus was his; those smiles and looks of Remus' that said it all were never to be given to anyone else, they had always belonged to Sirius and he was determined that they always would be. The only obstacle now was convincing Remus.

OOOOOOOOOO

_- time skip to Sirius' POV after the falling incident -_

OOOOOOOOO

Sirius regretted waking up as soon as he felt his body thrum with an ache that was so intense that it was as if he'd been shattered and spellotaped back together. His body wanted to let out a groan of pain but judging by the consistent throbbing of pain in his back, he decided to remember what had happened first.

He recalled the Quidditch change rooms, James trying to inspire his drowsing team mates with a series of complicated plays. Then they left for the pitch and he'd heard a yell that was more of a shriek and he looked over to see Remus being helped off a broom by some tall Hufflepuff bloke in Quidditch robes. _Remus didn't like flying – what the fuck was he doing on some Hufflepuff duffer's broom? _

The Gryffindor team had kicked off from the pitch and Sirius followed angrily, but his eyes were fixed on the two figures at the edge of the pitch and he didn't feel the usual exhilarating rush he usually did when shooting into the air on his broom.

His beater's club was gripped tightly in his hand, so tight that his hand was shaking around it, even though he wasn't using it to hit any Bludgers. He could only glare at Remus and the interfering little wanker that was speaking to him. A small, logical part of his mind that sounded suspiciously like Remus, told him that the guy was probably only asking Remus about daffy old study or what his take was on the properties of Murtlap Essence, or something equally as boring, but this part of Sirius hardly ever had a say and Sirius wasn't giving it one today. If this fucker had seen the change in Remus that Sirius had, if he had then realised it was now or never to try and get into the werewolf's robes, then Sirius was going to make his life a living hell. Remus had eyes for him and only for him, and despite the fact that Sirius was not completely certain of his own feelings for the man, he'd be damned if he was going to give him up for anyone.

Unfortunately, Sirius had forgotten the world around him and hadn't heard James' shout or seen his two teammates coming until it was too late. He was crushed by the impact and even thoughts of Remus flew out of his mind as he found himself dangling above the pitch that looked miles away. He was just about to pull himself back up when he heard an ominous whistling noise and, being a Beater, knew what was coming a second before it happened. The next moment, pain shot through his whole arm, up into his shoulder and he was falling, falling away from blue skies and red and gold blotches. The wind was cold, his breath was stolen and fear, ice cold and heavy, got a hold of him just before he felt his body smack into the ground with a sickening detachment, the world going black before him.

Sirius opened his eyes, heart thrumming in fear as he recalled the disturbing memories.

The stark whiteness of the Hospital Wing stretched before him, broken only by the colourful pile of sweets and cards on his bedside table and the faded, patched robes of the man sitting in the chair beside his bed. Sirius knew he should have felt guilty but he couldn't help but feel a triumphant pang in his chest at how Remus' eyes were stuck, unmoving in an anxious daze on a point of the book he was supposedly reading, face white and pinched and his body as tense as a bow string in what looked like worry.

"Who died?"

Sirius' voice was hoarse and quiet but Remus jumped as if an Erumpet horn had gone off behind him. His book slipped to the floor with a sharp smack and Sirius was rather pleased with himself when Remus paid no mind to the crumpled book on the floor, something the bookworm would have found blasphemous in other circumstances, in place of jumping to his feet.

"I'll get Madam Pomfrey. Are you dizzy? Can you see and hear properly? You feel alright, don't you, I mean, sore, but alright?"

Sirius attempted a chuckle and reached out to grip Remus' wrist tightly, giving him a tug to indicate that he should get back in his chair. His arm tingled a little but it didn't hurt and Sirius was grateful that he'd been unconscious for the time before it had been healed.

"I'm fine, Moony. Back to my wonderful, irresistible self. It'll take a hell of a lot more than a Bludger to take me out." He winked at Remus for good measure but Remus didn't even crack a smile. Sirius took a closer look and noticed that the taller man's jaw was clenched tightly, muscles jumping beneath the too-pale skin of his face and, with shock, he saw now that Remus' mouth was pulled down as if he was trying not to either laugh, yell or cry. He seemed to decide on all three at once as he let out a strange little choked noise and abruptly bent down and embraced Sirius awkwardly. Hesitantly, Sirius' hands lifted and he patted Remus on the back rather inadequately, feeling a whole different range of emotions hit him with unnerving force.

"It's alright, I'm fine, see? Don't go crying on me like some girl now – you've been spending too much time with Evans! Before you know it you'll be braiding her blinding hair and gossiping about who took who to that awful Puddifoot place." Sirius knew he was babbling stupidly, but it somewhat covered up Remus' sniff and he felt the man chuckle lightly as he sensed him discretely wipe his face on the sleeve of his own robes behind Sirius' head. Remus pulled back and Sirius was sure somewhere between waking up and having Remus lean over him like that, his lungs had forgotten how to function. It was with a mixture of guilt and hope curdling in his stomach, that he looked up at Remus' lovely face, red nosed and watery eyed as it was.

"You scared me, you daft sod," Remus murmured fondly, awkwardly avoiding Sirius' gaze, "I know you've always said that you were the Universe's gift to Quidditch, but I never thought that you'd think you were so good that you could just hover in the middle of the pitch and expect to be brilliant."

Sirius grinned back, grasping desperately at a lighter atmosphere. "Well, I didn't die, did I? One measly broken arm isn't that much. Good old Evans has given James worse in one of her more insane fits."

"Actually, it was one broken arm, a fractured cranium and badly bruised spinal discs," Remus' red rimmed brown eyes finally met Sirius' almost sternly, "And you should be nicer to Lily from now on. Her spell slowed you down before you hit the ground. Without her quick thinking or spellwork you probably wouldn't be able to make any jokes about her ever again."

This sobered Sirius up a bit and seemed to put Remus back in that unusual, down-turned mouth state that Sirius quickly found made him want to hold the werewolf as close to him as possible so that heart breaking expression would be buried in his chest. Instead, he looked away and said more solemnly than others would have believed him capable of. "I'll be sure to thank her sometime."

It was silent for long moments as Sirius looked over at the pile of get-well gifts next to him, searching for a different topic.

"How long have I been here?"

Remus perched himself on the edge of Sirius' bed. "Since yesterday. James, Peter and Lily just left for lunch; James looked as if he was going to permanently charm himself to your bed but Lily managed to convince him to go."

Sirius smiled fondly at the thought but his mind quickly returned to Remus. "You should have gone with them, Moony. You look as if you could use some food. I mean, I know how difficult it is to leave my adorable sleeping self, but you look like you're going to pass out."

Remus smiled wanly and shrugged, the gesture tired and jerky. "I'm not hungry. And I didn't want you to wake up by yourself; I always hated waking up here with no one around."

Remus seemed to be gazing at the small pile of Chocolate Frogs on Sirius' bedside table, his mind obviously elsewhere. Sirius watched him silently. Remus hadn't had to wake up alone in the Hospital Wing for a long time now; he, James, Peter and, more recently, Lily, had made sure of that. But sometimes James and Peter would leave to get food or get some sleep, quite reasonably too, while Sirius always chose to stay behind. It had been years since Remus had woken up in this place without Sirius by his side. Sirius always watched over him, brushing the fair hair back from the sleeping boy's forehead when he twitched in the receding pain of a transformation, pressing an uncharacteristically gentle, cooling hand over the few injuries Remus had acquired, desperately trying to soothe the pain, to ease the hurt. He'd do anything for the strong, brave boy that had grown into a man – and now Sirius was beginning to see that this devotion to him stemmed not only from friendship, but from something deeper that before this year, Sirius hadn't been aware of. Sirius admired his friend more than he himself knew he could fathom; he'd seen the heart breaking pain, both physical and emotional, that the werewolf had to endure and yet still emerged, smiling warmly at Sirius when he woke, those eyes filled with the stomach warming feeling when brown met grey; a look of love that Sirius now realised had always been for him, only for him.

Disturbed by all the contemplation of feelings and emotions, Sirius couldn't help but feel his mind twist to how Remus had done something with that bloke in Spain and how that Hufflepuff had taken him aside to talk in private. The thought that he wasn't the only one to be aware of how strong and amazing Remus was, scared him; he feared losing Remus, losing that look of love that was reserved only for him. Panicked, Sirius floundered for a way to approach the subject that had caused all of this in the first place; Remus talking to that boy who just _looked_ like an idiot was in need of urgent address. Finally, he decided to just barrel on ahead as he usually did.

"What did that Hufflepuff want, anyway?"

Remus looked over at him, eyebrows raised in surprise and Sirius was certain he saw a flicker of wariness in the brown eyes before it was smothered.

"He wanted to talk about study arrangements. I help him with DADA on a regular basis."

"Didn't look like just study arrangements to me," Sirius retorted a little hotly, "Why would he want to talk with you away from Lily and Peter if it was just about study?"

This earned him a hard look from Remus, half assessing and half irritated, before he answered a little too calmly. "He wanted to thank me for tutoring him and what does it matter to you, anyway, Sirius?"

"He couldn't have thanked you in front of Lily and Peter?" Sirius hastily avoided answering the question, being driven easily by his own building anger at what he was quickly seeing as Remus' betrayal, "Sounds like this Hufflepuff duffer has more on his mind than study, don't you think?"

Remus had always been good at controlling his emotions and the smooth, expressionless face gave nothing away, save for the flash of annoyance in those brown eyes.

"And what would be the problem if he did perhaps think of me more than a study partner?" Remus prompted smoothly, his voice quiet and careful, masking his anger expertly, "It's not particularly your concern what I do and with whom."

"I know about that guy. The one from Spain – I know you two did something together."

Remus froze and in other circumstances, Sirius would have been proud of himself for catching the usually unflappable boy off guard, but as it was, he felt more trepidation than anything else. Remus took a few moments, his eyes widened and his jaw hanging slack before he rose from Sirius' bed, his movements smooth and cold.

Before he could say anything, Sirius butted in again. "I don't care that you're both blokes or whatever, I don't care if you're queer. I _am_ pissed that you never told me - us. We're your friends, Moony, we're Marauders; no secrets between us, remember that?" Remus actually looked relieved for a moment, wary and unsure but visibly relieved, before Sirius began talking again. "But I never expected you to go running off with the first guy who shows you attention back here. It's kind of sad, really; he is a Hufflepuff after all. I thought you'd have better standards than that no matter what bits the person had."

Sirius didn't know what he was doing, he was terrified of the words that were coming out of his own mouth because he hadn't thought about them at all, but he was exhilarated at the same time because he was finally talking to Remus about this. He was finally getting Remus to react to him, to actually look at him and pay him some fucking attention, even if those big eyes were flashing in anger now and not the love that he really missed and wanted back.

"I'll have you know that Bernard is a good person," he stated coldly, glaring Sirius down, "I don't care if he's in Hufflepuff, I would consider myself lucky if we ever got together, which, now that I'm thinking about it, is _very_ possible."

At this, Sirius felt his anger surpass its slow, gradual rise and surge right up to furious. Remus was actually considering this? Remus had overlooked Sirius Black, the bloke he had obviously had a thing for whether he knew it or not, for some fucking bumbling, dull _Hufflepuff_? Never mind that Sirius wasn't certain exactly what he wanted from Remus, Remus hadn't even seemed to consider him, Remus was willing to give up whatever it was they had for some... _guy_! He drew himself up into a proper sitting position, his anger allowing him to ignore the pain that that caused for the moment. "Well if it's so _very_ possible, why don't you just fuck off an go find your little boyfriend, then? Don't let me stand in your way – go see if the little shirt lifter is waiting for you to come and help him _'study'_!"

Remus drew himself up to his considerable height and his voice trembled with anger, rising in volume through his slipping control. "Maybe I will! And for your information, _Black_, he offered to buy me a drink at Hogsmeade yesterday and instead I spent all day by your side, because I was worried about you and I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up. _What a mistake that turned out to be!_"

Sirius froze as Remus turned and stormed out of the Hospital Wing.

He'd pissed him off big time – he'd royally fucked up for sure. But Remus had admitted a little something there that perhaps he hadn't intended to, something that gave Sirius hope through his dwindling anger. Remus had stayed with him, had forgone a date with someone Sirius grudgingly admitted was mildly attractive, just to make sure he, Sirius, was alright. Remus cared for him deeply, maybe even loved him still, and perhaps Sirius could still fix this. And Sirius did want to fix this, more than anything; he wanted Remus to look at him the way he used to, he wanted to be able to fling his arm around his friend's shoulder and feel him tremble with excitement and watch that little blush creep along his cheeks like it used to. He wanted Remus to love him and he knew now that he wanted the chance to love him back.

Because whether he wanted to admit it or not, he'd rather be that mediocre idiot Hufflepuff than his own more remarkable self, if it meant that Remus would truly be his.

OOOOOOOOOOO

_Oh dear, I went and read a whole bunch of brilliant Wolfstar fics and now I've lost touch with this and this chapter just seems so crappy now. Thanks to you all for reading and I hope this one's not as bad as I think. You're all amazing!_


	7. A Fifth Marauder?

_I'm sorry it's taken me a while to update! I was busy with uni and then I got quite sick (being a woman sucks sometimes – in fact, I had a dream that I was a man and it was rather peaceful in comparison. Plus, I had a dick, which was neat. XD). Also, during all of this, I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had planned for the next chapters. Luckily, I remembered not long ago. _

_All you wonderful reviewers helped me get back to typing away again, so I thank you all so much! _

OOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 7: A Fifth Marauder?**

"I need to talk to you."

Sirius clenched his jaw after speaking and stood his ground bravely as poisonous green eyes narrowed at him and a shapely pink mouth thinned angrily.

"I know what you said to Remus, you selfish, narrow minded git."

Alright, it could have been worse, _much_ worse than that. He had been expecting a hex at best but luckily Lily seemed to be in an unusually subdued mood. "I didn't mean to say those things; I'm trying to fix it."

"You could start with apologizing to him but I don't believe that such an act is within your limited scope of understanding." She snipped nastily, pointedly turning back to her book and flipping a page a little too violently. Sirius sighed in frustration, just managing to stop himself from snapping back at the fiery red head – he needed her help whether he liked it or not, and he wasn't going to get it by starting a fight with her. He'd only just escaped the well-meaning clutches of Madam Pomfrey, a day after his argument with Remus, and he'd spent his first hour out of the Hospital Wing searching for Lily Evans. He knew that lately she and Remus had become close friends and, grudgingly, he thought that perhaps she knew more about this than he did.

He slid into the seat across from her, ignoring the way her nostrils flared a little when he pushed aside the rolls of parchment that she'd piled neatly on the table. "Listen, I care about Remus just as much as you do... maybe more, alright?" At this her head snapped up and her eyes were now curious and suspicious rather than glaring. "I was a complete arse to him, I talk without thinking, hell, I haven't even really thought about what I was going to say to you. But I know how close you are to him, I know you can help me make things alright again."

Green met grey and, not for the first time, Sirius was distinctly aware of why the girl had been placed into Gryffindor. Few would have had the strength to stare down a temperamental Black and have their dignity and wits remain intact, but Lily held his gaze, quietly, coldly assessing him. Finally she spoke quietly but her voice had a sad, disappointed edge to it that actually had Sirius missing her harsh, scolding tone. "He trusts you, you know, and you really hurt him by what you said." His stomach twisted painfully and he knew his expression showed it but she kept going, speaking quickly as if she wanted to say everything before something stopped her. "He doesn't show it, of course he doesn't – he's Remus: he could be having a mental breakdown and he'd just get more polite and study more than usual. But I can see it and I hate knowing that he's still going to forgive the person who caused it."

"You think he'll forgive me?" Sirius felt hope flutter in his chest and he forgot for a moment, even to keep his guard up around Lily and heard the disbelieving hope in his own voice.

Lily leaned back a little in her chair and her eyes sparked with a curious, contemplative gleam as she observed the way Sirius' eyes had lit up and a ridiculously hopeful grin had split his face. She knew that look – that was the same expression on James' face the first time she had openly laughed at one of his jokes without a following reprimand. And for a while now she'd noticed the same look, but perhaps to a lesser degree, on Remus' face whenever Sirius complimented him or teased him about his cleverness or mischievousness. It had been that way for as long as she could remember and at first, she'd thought it a look of admiration, but knowing what she did about Remus lately, she'd wondered if was perhaps more than that, more than her friend even knew of. Remus had told her once that there was more to Sirius Black than one could simply see, that you had to really get to know him, but maybe Remus saw more than anyone else, maybe he knew and felt more about Sirius than others did. And with that odd, almost endearing look on his aristocratic face, Lily thought that maybe Sirius Black also saw, knew and felt the same things about his friend.

"Is that what you want, then; his forgiveness?" She asked lightly, struggling not to smile at the thought that she'd been right in her suspicions of Sirius' true feelings.

Sirius looked almost startled at the question and he rubbed the short stubble on his face as he seemed to think. "Shit, I don't know. It'd be good if he forgave me, I know he's done it more times than he should have. But I guess I was hoping for more than just forgiveness this time."

He suddenly seemed to realise who he was talking to and his confused expression was quickly replaced with the usual snide expression that he used for Lily. She watched the rapid change and wanted to both roll her eyes and smile uncontrollably, but really, didn't everyone do stupid things when they were in love? So she forgave Sirius Black, just this once, for his stupidity.

"I'll do it."

"What?"

She felt the corners of her mouth tugging up at his comically stunned expression and folded her arms sternly to get herself back under control. "I'll help you get Remus back _**if**_ you can tell me what it is you really want from him. I don't want to help you get back in Remus' good books if all you're going to do is tease him about this... about his discovery. You said yourself that you wanted more than forgiveness, so tell me exactly what it is that you want."

Sirius glared at her and huffed, folding his arms just as she had, but in a more defiant and sulky manner that just made her want to laugh more. "What's there to tell? I want him to know that I didn't mean those things that I said, I want him to forgive me and I want our friendship back the way it was. The End."

This time Lily did laugh, rather too loudly for the library, but they were in her favourite secluded corner and there was no one around to shush her. Sirius gaped at her, simultaneously shocked and outraged. No one laughed at him!

"Oh, _The End_," she mimicked in a mocking, deep voice before giggling madly, "Honestly, do you really think that that's all you want? Please; you're more delusional than James when he believed he'd get me to go out with him by singing to me!"

Sirius' jaw dropped further. Now he was being compared to James at his most sickening, love struck worst?! The girl was off her rocker! He offered her a snarl and made to stand, quite regretting asking Lily for help at all in the first place, when she abruptly stopped laughing and held out an imploring hand. "Wait, don't go," she smiled, sobering up a little, "I said I'd help you, didn't I? Just hear me out."

Against his better judgment, Sirius slowly lowered himself back onto the chair, glaring at the still cheerful red head.

"Sorry, it's just that...," Lily shrugged, apparently thinking this to be an adequate explanation while Sirius simply continued to glare at her haughtily, "You said you wanted your friendship back the way it used to be, right?"

Sirius nodded and she continued. "That means then that you want Remus to treat you the way he did before he realised all these things about himself, right?"

Sirius found himself unnerved by her uncannily accurate insights and nodded a little more hesitantly.

"Don't you see what that means? You want to go back to the time where you were both unaware of what the closeness in your relationship might mean. Have you thought that maybe it's not just friendship you want from him? Have you considered that maybe you're jealous of his Spanish friend and Bernard, that you wish you could have the same kind of relationship or more with Remus?"

Sirius gaped and closed his mouth repeatedly before his voice finally broke free in a high, panicked tone that made him clench his fists in anger and embarrassment. "What the hell is wrong with you? I don't-I never- liked Remus in that way, if that's what you're saying. I'm not jealous!" He felt his cheeks burning and in mortification, he got more insistent in his denial while trying not to think about how only a day ago he'd wished that he were Bernard just so he could have Remus' love back. Was this girl a fucking Occlumens or something? "I'm Sirius fucking Black, half the school's female population have wanted to get in my pants at some point – I could have as many girls as I want! I can't-I don't like guys and I don't like Remus in that way. I just want to be friends with him again."

Lily's eyes narrowed and she shifted restlessly, presumably at his comments on girls, but she kept true to her purpose, indicative of how adamant she was about this. "So your actions since the start of the year are perfectly normal between friends, then?"

"I don't-"

"You know, I don't recall you ever doing a fraction of the stuff you've been doing for Remus, for James when you didn't want him dating me last year."

Sirius folded his arms and desperately tried to keep his eyes from dropping. He felt naked and exposed and vulnerable, all his most secretive, shameful thoughts laid out before Lily Evans. It was true that he'd been jealous of the attention James had bestowed on Lily at first; for the first few months of their tentative relationship he'd taken to being the most infuriating git possible for the both of them, but had eventually grown accustomed to James' shared attentions once he'd seen that the relationship was going to last. But Lily was right – he'd never acted towards James like he had to Remus. With James he'd wanted his best mate back, he wanted his attention focused on the same things, on being a Marauder again. But with Remus, he wanted his attention on him, solely focused on Sirius Black, he wanted Remus to be in love with him again and he wanted that to never change. "It's not the same thing". He finally mumbled lamely.

"Right, it's not the same thing," Lily's voice became a little softer, more understanding and kinder, "That's my point, Sirius. Maybe the reason you've been nicer to Remus and more possessive of him is because you feel more than friendship for him."

Sirius' instinct was to fight this; it was not his nature to accept what someone said that he felt, what they thought of him, but he could see now that it wouldn't help him at all to deny it. He supposed, in a way, he'd known how he'd felt for a while but hadn't bothered to put a restrictive description to it – what he felt was just that; just strong, confusing feelings and he'd never seen the need to analyze and put words to it. But Lily Evans, the nosy and rather clever girl that she was, had figured it out, had put words to what he felt and made it all the more real and terrifying.

"Fuck", he muttered, throwing himself back against the chair and avoiding Lily's gaze, "It can't-_I can't._ You don't get it, Evans; it's been like this for ages but I just never knew it. I've always felt-thought these things about him, I always just thought it was part of him and me, I never knew it meant... all this stuff. But since the start of this year... I just want Remus back, you know? I don't want to know that I feel like this about him – I can't feel like this."

He jumped when a soft, cool hand gently covered his own. He looked up and met green eyes that looked at him with sympathy and kindness, completely void of the disapproval that they usually held for him. "Loving someone isn't something you can choose. Do you think I _chose_ to fall in love with James?" Sirius' eyebrows shot up – this was something unexpected and uncomfortable. He'd never heard or thought about Lily actually loving James before; if he was honest with himself, he'd always thought of her agreement to date James as humouring him a little and testing him out to see if she could ever really feel for him. She smiled knowingly at his expression and continued gently. "He was the boy that I loathed, he was an arrogant, cruel jerk and I hated him. But things changed, he changed, _I_ changed and for a long time I tried to tell myself that I wasn't falling in love with him. But then I just let myself go, I accepted it and now when I'm with him I'm happy. You can have that happiness too, you can give that happiness to Remus. Merlin knows if anyone deserves it, he does."

Sirius looked down at the small, slightly freckled hand over his. He hated to admit it even to himself, but Lily Evans was right – this was something that he'd never chosen, something that he knew he couldn't change and something that he knew might bring him and Remus happiness. And it was true, Remus deserved that more than anyone.

"When did you get so smart, anyway, Evans?" He murmured quietly as his consciousness grappled with the idea of loving Remus.

He saw Lily smile at him out of the corner of his eye and he allowed his mouth to tug up into a returning lop-sided smile. She shrugged and removed her hand to flick a wayward strand of hair away from her forehead. "Right back at you, Black. When did you get so caring? You scared the hell out of Remus with all that nice stuff."

Sirius laughed and shook his hair back. "He was ignoring me. It was the only way to get his attention."

Lily shook her head and pursed her lips but he could see that it was to hide a smile. "Honestly, you've no grasp of subtlety, have you? I've no idea how Remus hasn't figured you out by now; for such an intelligent guy he can be awfully oblivious sometimes."

Her expression flickered oddly for a moment but Sirius ignored it as she continued. "So are you finally going to tell me what you really want from him? I know that you know what it is now."

"You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?" Sirius grimaced, squirming uncomfortably in his chair. "You're enjoying this."

Lily smiled demurely. "All you have to do is say it."

"Fine." Sirius exhaled sharply, gathering his nerve, getting ready to admit to someone he'd only just come to really like, something he'd only admitted to himself not long ago. "I'll tell you and then you help me get him back... I want more than friendship from him. I've felt this way for a while and I was just too bloody blind to see it. I don't want him with that Hufflepuff or anyone else because I want him with me. I guess that... I love him... and I hope he still loves me."

His last sentence was mumbled and quiet but the grin on Lily's face told him that she understood. In fact, that grin was widening even further and Sirius frowned sullenly at her, already feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable without her grinning at him like that, as if he she knew the answers to the whole bloody universe. "Well," he finally snapped impatiently, "I told you, fair and square. Now will you help me get Remus back?"

Lily's eyes twinkled mischievously and for a moment, Sirius swore he could see a fifth Marauder in her. "I already have." She replied mysteriously, her voice gleeful. Sirius stared, confused and annoyed, but then she reached under the table and he jumped as a muffled yelp came from beneath the table, near his feet.

Sirius stared, wide eyed and mortified, as Remus Lupin slowly slid his lanky frame up into the chair next to Lily from beneath the table, blushing like the setting sun and completely refusing to look at him.

OOOOOOOO

_What do you think? What do you think?! Next chapter hopefully soon. I've got a break week soon (study week, they say. Pffft. Bitches... please.), so I'm hoping to finish this fic off soon. _

_Thanks to everyone for reading, don't forget that I love anything that you choose to leave as a comment. :) _

_As always, you guys rule, too cool for school._


	8. Time Wasted

_Study week! Also called, 'writing-SBRL-and-Johnlock-fanfiction-week'. Goddamnit, I started two new ridiculously long fics and it took me for-goddamn-ever to post this chapter. I'M DROWNING IN FANFICTION. But it's a good way to go. ;) Thanks so much for your reviews, favourites and follows, everyone! You've made me happier than you'll ever know. _

_Sorry for the absolutely ridiculously long wait and thank you for your patience, everyone! _

OOOOOOOO

**Chapter 8: Time Wasted**

Remus had frozen solid when he'd spotted the silky black hair of his friend between the shelves of the library aisles. He knew he couldn't have hidden from Sirius forever but he still didn't feel like talking to him so soon and didn't know what to say. He fixed his gaze on the parchment before him, steeling himself to just get this over with, when a hand tugged on his sleeve.

"Get down!" Lily hissed urgently from beside him, trying to pull him down beneath the table. He frowned at her – he may have not wanted to talk to Sirius at the moment but he wasn't exactly going to hide from him beneath a table. Surely Lily knew even he had more dignity than that.

"Just trust me, okay, I have a plan." At her earnest, imploring face, he conceded, quickly sliding from his chair to the floor. He trusted Lily; she was an intelligent girl, both with her studies and with people. If she had a plan to help him out with Sirius, he was only going to appreciate the help. He curled his long legs against his chest and huddled against the legs of his chair and Lily's legs. He was sure Sirius would be able to hear his heart beating madly and his breathing seemed ridiculously loud, but Sirius only spoke to Lily.

"_I need to talk to you."_

"_I know what you said to Remus, you selfish, narrow minded git."_

Remus bit his lip, simultaneously wishing that Lily would be nicer to Sirius and somewhat pleased that someone was standing up to him. He listened silently to Sirius and Lily's next exchange of scathing words (the scathing mostly being on Lily's part), and tensed as he saw Sirius' legs bend to allow him to sit in the chair opposite Lily. His foot was barely ten inches from Remus' hip – if he stretched out like he often did, he would kick him and discover him curled beneath the table like a frightened three year old! He curled himself a little tighter and prayed that Lily's plan would be a quick one.

Indeed, the time did pass remarkably quickly as Remus listened in awed, confused disbelief as Sirius and Lily talked about him and Sirius' feelings regarding him. He could feel himself blushing when Lily told Sirius that what he'd said in the Hospital Wing had hurt him, and while he reluctantly admitted to himself that it was true, he still felt the urge to pinch her leg. Instead, he continued listening, confused and a little incensed as Lily agreed to help Sirius _'Get Remus back_', if Sirius told her what he wanted. Again, he fought the urge to pinch her when she laughed at Sirius (_of course, he wouldn't take that well! What kind of plan was this?_) and watched as the long legs made to leave, only sitting back down again when Lily actually implored him not to leave.

He listened again in silent confusion, quickly turning into utter panic when Lily began questioning Sirius' feelings for him, suggesting that Sirius felt more than friendship for him. He was sure Sirius would be able to hear his panicked breathing but Sirius was already replying loudly, his voice shrill and just as panicked as Remus felt.

_"What the hell is wrong with you? I don't-I never- liked Remus in that way, if that's what you're saying. I'm not jealous! I'm Sirius fucking Black, half the school's female population have wanted to get in my pants at some point – I could have as many girls as I want! I can't-I don't like guys and I don't like Remus in that way. I just want to be friends with him again."_

Remus felt his heart sink at those crushing words, beating down the hope that he hadn't already squashed himself. Of course, Sirius was right, he could never have feelings for him. Remus knew he had been right to try and stop those feelings he'd always had for Sirius. He tugged slightly, maybe a little desperately, at the hem of Lily's robes, trying to tell her to stop, to abandon the plan which he was quickly realising was to try and get Sirius to confess feelings for him. He felt terrible and just wanted Sirius to leave so he wouldn't have to listen to him protest about how much he could never like him in that way. But she only squirmed, kicking his hand away and barreled on with the determination that James loved her for.

They continued back and forth for a little and then there was silence. Remus was sure his face was practically glowing in the dark when Sirius confessed that he had, _he really had_, felt something for him, and he wondered if Sirius would feel the heat of his face from where he sat. He listened again as Lily comforted him, telling him to just let it go and suddenly this plan didn't seem so ridiculous after all.

He was feeling euphoric, thinking that yes, Sirius did feel just a little something for him, when he caught the words. _"... I've no idea how Remus hasn't figured you out by now; for such an intelligent guy he can be awfully oblivious sometimes."_

This time he did pinch her but only very gently, just behind her ankle. Luckily, she didn't seem to react and continued on to ask Sirius to completely confess. Remus waited with baited breath as Sirius paused, feeling guilty for eavesdropping but unbelievably lucky as the words poured from Sirius' mouth in a rush. _"I want more than friendship from him. I've felt this way for a while and I was just too bloody blind to see it. I don't want him with that Hufflepuff or anyone else because I want him with me. I guess that... I love him... and I hope he still loves me."_

Remus knew he was grinning stupidly and bit his lip to try and stifle it a little. Sirius Black didn't just feel a little something for him... he actually said that he loved him! He was too busy being dizzy at all the possibilities to listen to the next exchange of words and was then rather shocked when Lily's hand reached down and sharply tugged a strand of his hair. He knew Sirius would have heard his surprised yelp and, mortified, he knew this was his cue to make his appearance.

Sirius would know that he had heard everything, that he had been spying. He could only hope that this time Sirius would be the one to forgive him and perhaps Lily's plan would work if Sirius wanted to act on his feelings now that they were facing each other.

The table was ominously silent as he slid up into his chair and he couldn't bring himself to look at Sirius.

OOOOOOOO

"Right, I'll leave you two to discuss things, shall I?"

Remus shot Lily a look but she ignored it as she shoved books parchment, quill and ink pot into her bag. He could feel Sirius' eyes on him, openly staring but he still refused to look back at him, instead watching Lily rise from her seat and sling her heavy bag across her shoulder. He was surprised when she leaned down and kissed his cheek, but he felt warmth and strength surge through him when she squeezed his hand comfortingly. She smiled briefly at him and at Sirius but as she made to leave, Sirius moved sharply as if to stop her.

Finally, Remus looked at him, still terrified and embarrassed, but comforted by the matching blush adorning Sirius' smooth cheeks as he looked up at Lily.

"Thanks," the animagus finally mumbled, not quite meeting Lily's eyes, "For the spell down at the pitch when I fell and... everything."

Remus wanted nothing more than to lean over the table and pull Sirius against him, to kiss him until neither of them could breathe anymore. There was just something about the way that Sirius had changed recently – how kind he had been to him, how he had had the courage to confess his feelings to Lily and even now how he had thanked Lily; such things did not come easily from Sirius Black. Lily seemed to be aware of this too as she smiled warmly and bent down to press a brief peck to the animagus' cheek, her smile widening at his surprise.

"You're welcome, Sirius."

Lily left, the swish of her robes and clips of her footsteps fading as she moved between the aisles and left Remus and Sirius to the pressing silence of the secluded corner. Remus watched Sirius' hands as they immediately descended on Remus' discarded quill, twirling it between his fingers nervously as he pointedly focused his eyes on it.

"Sirius."

The brunette's mouth thinned and a frown formed on his brow as he focused more intently on the quill. Remus felt his heart swell in sympathy, understanding and what felt very much like hope. It was all he could do not to smile widely at his friend.

"Padfoot, look at me."

Sirius' mouth tightened but he obeyed, grey eyes flicking up finally to meet Remus'. Remus kept his facial expression smooth and mild even though he really wanted to grin madly. He needed Sirius to be uninfluenced by his own emotions for the next few minutes.

"Did you mean it?"

His voice is quiet and honest but Sirius flinched as if he'd growled at him. For a second the grey eyes looked back down at the quill twirling between his long fingers but then they snapped up again, mindful of Remus' former command. For a moment Remus silently wondered at the hold he apparently had over him but then Sirius was speaking, sullen and petulant as he often was.

"You weren't supposed to hear any of that. What were you doing, hiding under a desk, anyway?"

Remus waved this away, his eyes never leaving Sirius' face. "It was Lily's idea, I didn't know what she was up to until it was too late. Now I asked you a question, are you going to answer?"

Sirius' jaw clenched and he lifted his chin with the defiance and stubbornness that simultaneously exasperated Remus and reminded him of exactly how much he loved him.

"Of course I meant it."

"You said that you wanted more than friendship from me."

"Yes."

"You said that you hope I still love you."

"Yes."

"You said you loved me".

"... Yes."

Finally, Remus allowed himself to smile. "And that's why you've been acting so odd lately?" He saw Sirius' breath hitch as the grey eyes flickered over his wide smile and a returning, uncertain smile tugged at the corner of Sirius' mouth. "I wanted you to notice me and treat me like you used to. You've been treating me differently this year."

There it was again, the sullen petulance that filled Remus with an odd feeling that made him want to kiss not just Sirius' lips, but his face all over until he got his laughing, carefree Padfoot back. Instead, he thought he should answer Sirius honestly, thinking about all the times this year that Sirius had made him tea, had helped him and rather unsubtly begged for his attention, even if it was the wrong sort of attention.

"I've been treating you differently because I was trying to make it less obvious of how much I loved you." Remus wanted to laugh at the immediate change in Sirius' expression, from sulky to hopeful in less than a second. Instead, he reached a hand across the table, still blushing slightly as he held out his hand, palm up in front of Sirius' hands which were still strangling his quill. A bright smile slowly inched across Sirius' face as his eyes dropped to Remus' outstretched hand, and then the quill was dropped, rather more frayed and worn than when he'd picked it up, and he slipped his hand into the soft, warm one.

"And in answer to what you were wondering before: yes, of course I forgive you, and yes, I do still love you."

Sirius smiled then, so bright and so happily that Remus couldn't help but smile along with him. Sirius' hand squeezed his. "That Lily is like a long-lost fifth Marauder sometimes, I swear."

Remus had to laugh at how easily Sirius' mind strayed but he agreed. "Definitely devious, that one. James won't know what's hit him."

Sirius smiled but his eyes focused on Remus' mouth and he rose, hand still clasped tightly with Remus' as he walked around the table to take Lily's abandoned seat next to the werewolf. Remus could feel his heart pick up its pace and his breathing quicken at Sirius' sudden closeness and how that intense gaze still hadn't left his mouth.

He felt the gaze as if it were a physical touch, brushing over his lips and making him painfully conscious of them. Instinctively, his own eyes darted to Sirius' mouth, raking over the soft pink fullness and amusedly flickering over the short, unshaved stubble. He could feel everything as if he'd taken a potion that increased physical sensitivity, but it's just Sirius that did that to him; his presence, his looks, his smell, his voice, even simple thoughts about him. His breathing came shallow and quick, but that was alright, because he could see that the same was happening to Sirius as the dark haired man leaned closer. Remus resisted the urge to lick his lips as his gaze nervously alternated between Sirius' half-lidded grey eyes and full lips. But he knew what was coming and even though it felt unreal and too quick and, _'hold on, slow down for one minute while my brain catches up to whatever the hell is going on!'_, he wanted this.

When he leaned forward and tilted his head, brushing his lips against Sirius' at last, he could only think about how perfect it felt, even though he was aware that it wasn't perfect.

Sirius' lips were soft and warm, and the feeling of them raised the hair on Remus' arms. It was wonderful and, somehow, when he didn't quite know when to progress and he ended up rather awkwardly opening his mouth against Sirius' bottom lip, that was wonderful too. He could feel Sirius' reflecting awkwardness in his hesitation to place his hands on Remus, finally settling with one cool hand guiding on his jaw and the other nervously sliding around to his back. Remus followed, but when he placed his hand on Sirius' jaw, he slid his other deep into the soft hair that was such a distinctive part of Sirius Black, it made it all rather startlingly real.

This wasn't like kissing Ernesto. The other boy had taken the lead then, had been confident and guiding, while Sirius appeared to be equally as nervous as Remus felt and, even though Sirius was more experienced, Remus quickly realised with a bit of surprise that he would have to lead this first one. He gently pressed his tongue between Sirius' lips and they met tentatively, growing in confidence and learning each other as the touches grew firmer. The taste of Sirius was making Remus' head spin. He had no idea what it was, he didn't have the mind to place it at the moment, but it was brilliant because this was one part of Sirius that as best friends he'd never experienced – sight, smell, touch, hearing, he knew well, but never taste.

He thought he might have been getting dizzy but it was hard to tell when his head was spinning with sensation and his eyes were closed. He felt their teeth click against each other and he felt the gentle exhale of air against his cheek and the slight curve of lips as Sirius laughed and, for a second, Remus laughed with him. Again, it wasn't perfect, but the fact that it was clumsy and awkward and shy because it was their first time kissing each other, nervous because they actually had deep feelings invested in this – that made it perfect in the most important way.

Remus pulled back slowly, needing his head to stop spinning and smiled dazedly as Sirius rested their foreheads together and their shaking breaths mixed between them.

They were quiet for a few long moments, apart from their breathing, and Remus basked in the feeling of what it was like to snog Sirius Black for the first time and feel him trembling against him, just the same as he was. Then, predictably, Sirius had to break the silence.

"Wow. That was..."

Remus chuckled breathlessly and cut Sirius off before awkwardness could settle in. "Be quiet, Sirius." And, just because he can, he presses their lips together again.

Somewhere, far off in Remus' mind, where his common sense and logic were in exile, he thought that later, he really must thank Lily. But that thought didn't stick around for long because Remus had recently discovered that really, any time not consumed by wondering at the bliss of Sirius' lips on his own was time horribly wasted.

OOOOOOOOOO

_So umm, I know this chapter took forever and the waiting time was hardly adequate to the length and content, but dammit, I had a bit of a block with this chapter. On a brighter note, there should be two chapters left and, as this is a discovery fic, I think it's rather fitting that our favourite mutts do some discovering together. Basically, the next chapter or two will be sex. With other things, of course, but mostly sex and S and R discovering it. So perhaps you will find it in your hearts to forgive me :)_

_I will sincerely try not to be too long in posting the next chapter. Thank you all so much!_


	9. A New Experience

_Thank you, everyone who commented, faved, followed and read! You are wonderful and amazing and I can never repay you all. I hope you like this chapter; it's a lot wordier than I thought it would be so it took a really long time. Seriously, longest damn chapter ever – I don't know what's wrong with me. I tried to trim bits off but it didn't seem to read well when I did. Again, I'm sorry for writing so much and taking so long._

_Warning: Graphic, probably long-winded sexual content ahoy. Arr. _

OOOOOOOOOO

**Chapter 9: A New Experience**

_Dear Ernesto, _

_I was so glad to hear from you and I really am sorry for not writing sooner. I hope your studies are going well; I imagine they are as you already speak better English than many people I know who grew up here. Please tell your mother that I certainly will come back to see you should I ever return and yes, you should tell her that I think you were the most welcoming person you could be, but I'm not going to ruin my chances of getting that churro recipe by telling her that she should be nicer to you. Sorry. _

_My studies are going well, actually. It's a crucial year of schooling here and it's getting intense, but I think I'm keeping on top of it. Also, I know you asked me to tell you about Britain but I thought I could give you some photos instead. You don't have to keep them all, of course, but you're welcome to. I've included some captions on the back of them to tell you what they are and-_

The half-written letter to Ernesto and the accompanying photos were knocked out of Remus' lap and replaced with a lazily sprawling Sirius Black.

"I'm yours. Do wicked, wicked things to me."

Remus laughed even as he leaned over the head in his lap to check the parchment and photos now strewn across his bed by Sirius' inconsiderate enthusiasm. "Is tossing you off my bed wicked enough for your liking? You're just lucky the ink didn't smudge; it took me all morning to figure out what to write." He smiled as he examined the (thankfully intact) letter.

The body reclining messily all over Remus' bed squirmed so that the face which was pressed into his thigh lifted and looked up at him. "What're you writing? Potions essay?"

"Mmm, no… haven't done that yet." Remus admitted distractedly, unhappy to be reminded of that dratted essay. "It's just a letter to my friend, Ernesto."

In the past two weeks, since he and Sirius had shared that first and rather clumsy, but infinitely wonderful, kiss, the line between a relationship and their friendship had been completely smudged out. They'd had a few more opportunities for covertly stolen kisses and, once, a blind fumbling grope in a dark, empty classroom, but they still spent most of their time in the company of their friends and they really did have a lot of school work to get on with. With the little time that they did get alone together, they usually made the most of it by trying to further the physical side of their new relationship, so they hadn't quite done any talking about anything pertaining to this new divergence from friendship yet. They certainly hadn't brought up the subject of Ernesto, so Remus wasn't quite prepared for Sirius narrowing his eyes at the Spaniard's name.

"The one you met in Spain?" Remus raised his eyebrow at the narrowed grey eyes and petulant tone.

"Yes. You know that we're just friends."

"Yeah, just friends that shagged and still send letters to each other."

Remus watched in surprise and just a touch of fond amusement as Sirius abruptly sat up straighter and glared at him, as if daring him to deny it.

"We didn't actually." He replied calmly, honestly a little bit flattered, if exasperated, by Sirius' obvious jealousy. "We never had sex, we didn't get that far and I don't think we would have even if we did have the time."

"I heard you and Lily talking about how you did something 'sexual' with him." Sirius argued, still glaring but it looked more sullenly resentful now than angry.

Remus rolled his eyes and offered the animagus a fond smile. "We did, but it really wasn't anything. It was just… a handjob and we weren't dating, as such, he was just a friend away from home that I knew I could trust with that and not have to be embarrassed for the rest of my schooling every time I looked at him. I was just figuring out who I was and he helped me do that. He's a nice person and I like keeping in touch with him, just as I like talking to Peter, James and Lily."

Sirius seemed to be reluctantly appeased by the explanation as he grumbled and shrugged, throwing himself back down to lie his head back on Remus' thigh. Remus ran his fingers along Sirius' scalp, smiling when the grey eyes closed in bliss. He was so intent on the feeling of the smooth hair between his fingers that he almost missed Sirius' quiet mumble of, "He's still done more with you than I have."

Remus' hand almost faltered but he concentrated on continuing the smooth ministrations as he looked down at Sirius' slightly creased brow. "You can change that anytime, you know. I'm not stopping you."

The grey eyes flew open and stared intently at him, as if looking for a sign that he was joking, but Remus stared right back, raising an eyebrow in challenge. There was one breathless second where Sirius' gaze stayed frozen on his face, and then the earth started moving again when Sirius shot up and pressed their lips together.

In Sirius' haste, the kiss wasn't gentle or exploring, but demanding. Remus could feel the tension trembling in Sirius' lips, he felt the shaking, raw energy that was only looking for a way to be harnessed, and he understood. He pressed back just as hard, winding his fingers in Sirius' hair tightly and pulling him further forward, to have more of Sirius against him. Either he hadn't made his intentions quite clear in the past few weeks, or Sirius hadn't judged him very well, because he seemed surprised by Remus' forwardness and his confidence in what he wanted. In any case, it appeared to be a pleasant surprise as Sirius fumbled in his haste to sit up and crawl into Remus' lap, straddling him and holding his face with both hands to kiss him deeper.

Kissing was not new to them anymore. Remus was wonderfully familiar with the feel of Sirius now; he knew his taste, how his mouth felt, how his mood would change the way he kissed and what he liked. But this – this felt different somehow. Here there was the underlying knowledge that their intentions were to go further than a kiss this time, hopefully even further than a hasty grope. It was a Friday evening; James and Lily were in a prefect meeting, Peter had managed to get a sweet, shy Ravenclaw girl to help him with Herbology, and Remus and Sirius both knew that they would have the dorm to themselves for a couple of hours. Remus could feel that knowledge manifesting itself into a sickening mix of excitement and nervousness in his stomach, and he thought Sirius might have been feeling the same, judging by the way the man's hands shook slightly and his breath seemed more unsteady than usual.

He was comforted by how Sirius appeared as nervous as he was about this; it was a relief to know that they were discovering this new part of their lives together, that the clumsiness and fumbling they were certain to experience, would be a part in forming what they were fast becoming. This was something that was infinitely special because it couldn't ever be repeated and to be honest, Remus was glad that he would get to share this with Sirius and no one else.

Remus ran his hands down Sirius' shoulder blades, gliding his palms along the dips and ridges, before coming to rest on the small of his back, where he could feel just the hint of the back of the waistband of Sirius' trousers beneath his robes. Sirius seemed to like this development as Remus received a couple of frenzied nips to his lips and the humid breath came faster and shallower against his mouth. Curiously, and hoping that this was an appropriate next step, Remus slipped his hands further down, resting them cautiously on the firm curve of Sirius' backside.

He was a little taken aback when Sirius abruptly pushed back into his hands, but realized that that was a good thing, because it meant Sirius wanted more of the touch and that he was doing something right. It _felt_ right, that was for sure. Though, he wasn't quite sure what else he was supposed to do with his hands now that they were gently cupping the part of Sirius' anatomy that had most often caught his eye in the past few weeks. He tightened his grip experimentally and got a little wavering gasp from Sirius in response. _Alright, not bad._

The feeling of the supple muscle beneath his hands made his body tense in sharp arousal and he instinctively pulled Sirius roughly against him. Sirius sucked in a sharp breath as his groin was abruptly pressed against a clothed, firm chest and Remus smiled against Sirius' jaw when he felt the hardness beneath Sirius' robes and trousers. So maybe he was doing an alright job then. Sirius certainly seemed to think so, Remus decided bemusedly as he looked up at the blown out pupils, surrounded by cool grey.

He'd never seen Sirius like this before. He'd seen him excited, breathless from the thrill of pranking and general mayhem achieved, he'd seen him determined, with that stubborn set to his jaw when there was something that he wanted really badly, but this was different. He could feel the nervous uncertainty in the slight tremble of his hands and in his uncharacteristic hesitation, but he could also see want and desire there too, written all over the aristocratic features, in the flushed cheeks, dilated pupils, quickening breath and trembling body. But Remus was feeling many of the same emotions, and it calmed him slightly to know that Sirius was feeling the same arousal and desire as he was.

He leaned forward and experimentally pressed his lips firmly to the side of Sirius' neck, parting his lips and mouthing the warm skin gently. Sirius' hand slid into his hair and gripped tightly while the other slid down and latched onto the first button of Remus' shirt. Remus knew where this was going – obviously clothes were going to come off, but he'd rather have postponed his own unveiling, as scarred and unremarkable as he was. So he pulled back a little and tugged at the hem of Sirius' robes, who quickly got the idea and leaned back to allow Remus to pull the unflattering garment over his head. It snagged on Sirius' knee a few times and, unbalanced, Sirius accidentally headbutted Remus and almost fell off the bed, but after a few moments of chuckling at their own awkwardness, they proceeded with minimal injuries.

Remus set about his task of slowly removing the rest of Sirius' clothing, thinking that he appeared much calmer than he actually felt, because he managed to undo the buttons of Sirius' shirt without too much fumbling. Pulling Sirius' shirt off felt unreal. Here he was, staring avidly at the pale expanse of skin that his eyes had helplessly wandered to many times before that evening, and yet now he was allowed to look – was _expected_ to look and encouraged to admire it in any way he liked.

Sirius had little chest hair; it mainly gathered in the centre of his chest and formed a faint and then darker trail to his navel and then down into his pants. Remus followed it with the tips of his fingers, unaware that he was even doing so until the pale chest before him shivered and the muscles of Sirius' stomach jumped at the light touch.

"Are my hands cold?" Remus hastily pulled back his hand, but Sirius just snorted and snatched it back, pressing it firmly against his stomach.

"No, but I think this is the point where I'm supposed to say something about me warming them up for you."

Remus rolled his eyes, but Sirius' smirk was infectious and the feeling of warm, firm muscle beneath his hand was entirely too distracting to let him even think about objecting to Sirius' current lack of originality. He smoothed his palm over Sirius' stomach, thumbing the dark, suggestive trail of hair for a moment before moving up to his chest. The hard little pink nubs of Sirius' nipples were pronounced in the cool air of the room and Remus was surprised to feel one swell and harden further as his thumb brushed over it. He did it again, rubbing more purposefully over the silky flesh until Sirius let out an odd, high-pitched wavering noise that Remus had never heard from him before, as he pressed harder against his hand. Remus' own nipples weren't that sensitive, but he knew that that wasn't the same for all men, so he guessed this was just a 'spot' of Sirius'. A useful bit of information, Remus carefully noted it and stored it away for another day, eagerly anticipating finding every single one of Sirius' 'spots'.

He knew the general gist of seduction as he had seen his fair share of Playwizard magazines, courtesy of James' and Peter's impressive collection (now Remus understood why he'd always focused so intently on the guy in the moving photos, but at least the magazines were educational for this, anyway). So he leaned forward and kissed Sirius' chest, registering the interesting sensation of sparse hair against his lips, smoothing to silk as he moved to mouth that 'spot' he had just discovered, feeling victorious when Sirius made that interesting noise again, only louder. He was starting to feel less awkward now as arousal and instincts began to take over. All that mattered was giving Sirius the greatest pleasure possible and getting the same for himself; it no longer mattered that they achieve that with finesse and smoothness.

Sirius ground his hips against Remus' front and made more little moans that had Remus' blood racing more desperately than it already was. He thrust upwards but soon realized that this wasn't the perfect angle for friction and he gave Sirius' swollen nipple one last suck before pushing him back. Sirius' looked dazedly confused for a moment and Remus had a moment to think about how endearing he looked like that, before he leaned forward and pushed the animagus back on the bed. Sirius landed on his back with a surprised 'Mmph', but grinned up at Remus from the new position.

"Getting forceful now, Moony? I like it."

Remus rolled his eyes and pulled his own robes off to stop them from getting in the way. He used a simple spell, flicking his wand at the curtains around his bed to pull them shut, and then shuffled closer to Sirius, knees on either side of his hips. Sirius was beneath him, willing and eager and nervous, and Remus felt a thrill twist his stomach sharply as he lowered himself onto his elbows so he could rest part of his weight on top of Sirius.

"You _are_ alright with this, aren't you?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows at the fluttering heartbeat he could feel pressed against his chest and the quickening breaths against his cheek. Remus watched with concern as the animagus appeared to try for nonchalant, giving a weak chuckle and rolling his eyes but Remus had known him for a long time and knew what kind of stress Sirius had to be under for his confident façade to start deteriorating.

"What, you think I'm some blushing virgin who's never seen a guy's dick before? Remus, give me some credit."

Remus frowned at the slightly higher tone and awkward grin, and thought past his pounding heart beat long enough to say. "I'm just saying we don't have to rush into things; we're not doing anything that either of us doesn't want to do. I don't want to… go all the way tonight. I just want to stay where we're comfortable and I'm guessing that you do too."

Sirius' grey eyes searched his face earnestly and when he finally replied, Remus could hear the raw nervousness and flood of relief clearly. "You're okay with that? Because I mean I'd want to… you know, do the whole thing, but James or Peter might come back soon and I don't know, it's like you've got a lot of other things on your mind, like homework and not being too noisy in the dorm. And I've got Quidditch practice in the morning too and stuff. So maybe it's better if we just go part of the way tonight. I mean, it's not like we're waiting to be ready, because we're ready now, it's just that the uhh… situation isn't ideal – but it's not like we want to wait for the perfect moment or something like that; just when-"

"Sirius," Remus broke him off mid-ramble and smiled down at him in understanding, "stop talking – it's fine."

Sirius' grin looked a little more real this time and some of the tension went out of his body in obvious relief, even as he began talking earnestly again. "Well, yeah, you know – it's just that I _want_ to go all the way, don't get me wrong, it's not as if I want to wait to 'protect my honour', because quite frankly, I haven't got any, and I'm not scared; what's there to be scared about? It's not like-"

"Sirius." Remus said pointedly, smirking at the nervous rambling.

"Yeah, stop talking. Killing the mood. Got it."

Remus tilted his head a little as he studied the set line of Sirius' mouth and furrowed brow. He was obviously less nervous now, and Remus was too, but he could see that the dark haired man felt humiliated by his nervous rambling and was inwardly berating himself for it. Remus leaned down a little further and nudged Sirius' nose with his own to get his attention back.

"Hey," he murmured when embarrassed grey eyes met his, "It's just you and me right now. Sirius and Remus, Padfoot and Moony. I'm the same mate you've been messing about with for nearly seven years. This time, we'll just have less clothes on than usual and we're not going to do anything where we aren't comfortable."

"Yeah well," Sirius smiled crookedly and looked away, but Remus could hear the silent thanks in his voice for understanding, "it's getting pretty uncomfortable here with you trying to flatten me. Where were we before you started with all that crap anyway?"

Remus grinned and kissed him, enjoying a few minutes to ease back into their previous state of sharp anticipation before he pulled back to bury his face in Sirius' neck.

It was better now. There was less nervous tension, so kissing Sirius' neck felt less like kissing someone who was poised to start a marathon. The muscle was more pliable and less sharply demanding against his lips, and now Remus felt free to take his time exploring this new territory and less like they both had jobs to get done in a deadline. Now they were just two people who loved each other and were getting more familiar with each other's bodies. And it felt more comfortable because they both knew what they wanted and that this was going to be achieved with the same ease with which they'd interacted as friends all those years.

Remus moved down Sirius' body, mouthing and kissing the smooth skin, running his tongue over the bumps of Sirius' ribs and breathing softly down Sirius' ticklish sides, which surprised the reclining man into gasps of uncontrollable laughter. Sirius cursed at him good naturedly and Remus snickered into the hair surrounding Sirius' navel. It was just like old times, only with subtle (or maybe not so subtle) differences. Remus kissed his way down the dark trail to Sirius' trousers, his arousal feeding off the way that Sirius' breath was quickening and how he could hear it catch in his throat. He had just opened the button and pulled down the zipper on the trousers when Sirius gasped out. "Wait."

Remus lifted his head in surprise but Sirius' just smiled apologetically at him. "Well it's not fair that you've still got all your clothes on. I want to do all of that to you too, you know."

"Hmm," Remus quickly dropped his gaze back to the revealed y-fronts in front of him, "Of course, just let me…"

"No, no you don't." Sirius argued, his tone a little more forceful, even though it did break slightly at the end. "I know when you're avoiding, Remus. You're not distracting me."

Remus sent him a heated glare but he knew it was pointless – Sirius would have to see his scars eventually. He'd seen them before, of course, when he, James and Peter saw him on the mornings after the full moon, in all his naked, scarred glory. But this was different. This wasn't right after a transformation when he was at his weakest and it was surprisingly easy for his friends to overlook the scars at those moments where Remus just needed his friends' help. This was different – this was intimate, with just him and Sirius and he didn't want either of them to be reminded of what he became once a month, not now. But he'd known it would have to happen eventually with them being in a relationship, so he sighed and shrugged, trying to appear dismissive while inwardly wishing he could put the lamps out, quickly strip and just jump into bed where he wouldn't have to see Sirius' perfect body against his own mess of a body.

Sirius sat up and, instinctively it seemed, Remus rose to meet him. Sirius kissed him thoroughly as his hands dropped to Remus' hips, pulling their bodies closer as Sirius grasped for the hem of Remus' jumper. The wooly garment was pulled over his head quickly and then Sirius' hands were working on the buttons of Remus' shirt, fumbling a little as their lips were still occupied, but making quick work of it.

Remus could hear his own breath, quick and shallow through his nose, and he tried to calm it but Sirius' hands were already undoing the last button of his shirt. Remus wasn't aware of moving but his hands were suddenly gripping Sirius' wrists rather firmly. Both pairs of hands halted but Sirius didn't appear surprised. He broke the kiss slowly and lowered his face into the crook of Remus' neck and shoulder.

"I've seen them before, Moony."

Remus smiled a little crookedly at the gentle murmur and his grip relaxed slightly. "I know. But it's different this time."

"I never looked past them, if that's what you mean, and I won't now." Sirius replied, his words muffled against Remus' skin but still audible. "I always saw them; they were always just part of you."

Remus' hands still held onto Sirius' wrists but he just held on lightly when Sirius eased open his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. His blood was pounding in his ears and he was sure Sirius would feel the quickening pulse in his neck, but Sirius continued to move at a leisurely pace, mouthing and nipping the skin of Remus' shoulder and neck. Then his hands rested on the sides of Remus' hips; a place that felt completely natural for them to be, even if it did feel wonderfully odd with skin on skin and Remus' hands were still holding onto Sirius' wrists. He knew that he should have let go, he should just have let Sirius explore unhindered, but he needed to maintain that illusion of control just for himself and he knew that Sirius knew that too.

Sirius' mouth continued working on him and Remus felt the tension slowly easing out of his body, even though Sirius' hands were inching upwards, running over the deep slashes of scar tissue on his stomach and up higher, to the deeper, gathered skin of the scars running across his chest. The touch was slow and soft, and although Remus hadn't really expected anything less than that, it simultaneously calmed him and sharpened his need. He was aware that his breathing had turned into panting now and he was gripping Sirius' wrists firmly now; not to stop them but to keep them touching him.

The scar tissue was slightly numb and if felt odd, wonderfully so, to have someone else running their hands over it. Remus knew that Sirius would know it from his body's rather obvious reaction, and he shook slightly when Sirius began mouthing his way down his throat and then chest. He couldn't keep in a gasp when Sirius ran his tongue over a deep diagonal gash across his chest and he felt Sirius' teeth bared against his skin as he grinned.

Remus was a little hairier than Sirius, although by werewolf standards he was rather bare, even though according to werewolf growth patterns he wouldn't be fully mature until his mid-twenties. But Sirius appeared to find the hair sprinkling his chest fascinating. His fingers raked through the light dusting of light brown hair as his lips trailed down his chest, apparently content with the greater abundance of hair than he was used to. Sirius pushed him back until he lay back on the bed, the dark red of the four poster above him and moonlight streaming through the window and onto their bodies, illuminating everything in silvery white. Sirius' pale, unmarred skin practically glowed from his position further down the bed, where he was hovering over Remus' belt.

The belt was quickly undone but, even though Sirius made a point of fervently kissing Remus' stomach at odd intervals, Remus could see the nervous tension making Sirius' hands shake slightly. He smiled reassuringly and reached down to push the hair away from Sirius' face. This earned him a returning grin and a hand briefly squeezing his own.

"I know, I know – just do what I'm comfortable with. I should have known you'd still be telling me what to do even when we're in bed."

It was said with Sirius' usual grin and Remus smirked at the usual easy teasing. "Well how else are you going to get this right?"

Sirius snorted and returned to unbuttoning and unzipping Remus' trousers. "You just wait, Moony. I'm going to blow your mind."

"I know. You always do." Remus' smile softened and he pushed a hanging strand of the jet black hair behind Sirius' ear before dropping his hand back to his side to show that he was giving the other man full reigns.

Sirius immediately began on the trousers again, tugging them down and Remus' underwear along with them as Remus lifted his hips off the bed to help get them off. He suddenly started fervently wishing that the lighting was dimmer so his now fully unclothed body wasn't exposed by the moonlight and softer glow of the lamps. He fought the urge to curl up when Sirius sat back to take in the sight, and ignored the sudden clenching of his stomach. He needn't have worried though, he soon realized, because Sirius' gaze was only one of admiration and interest. Still, he felt uncomfortable with the intensity of that stare all over his body, especially when he was in a semi-aroused state – even Ernesto had only caught brief looks in the middle of whatever it was they did, and then he'd still had his pants on.

"Sirius," he muttered quietly but pointedly, "You've seen it all before."

"Well yeah, but not like this. This is different, remember?" Sirius replied almost absently, his eyes earnestly following the slim contours of Remus' bare legs.

Sirius' continued blatant staring, while unnerving, was starting to get a little amusing in its oblivious intensity and Remus couldn't help a snort of laughter as he rolled his eyes, relaxing just a little.

"Mister Black, my eyes are up here."

Sirius glanced up and laughed at the familiar, overused line before taking the hint and getting back to the task before him.

Remus propped himself on his elbows as Sirius placed a hand under both of Remus' knees and bent his legs up. He was more exposed like this and he felt his skin crawl with embarrassment, but stayed still and allowed Sirius to continue. Soft lips trailed up the insides of his thigh and the feeling was both unfamiliar and phenomenal, but Sirius appeared to be done with teasing and now set on the main task at hand.

He leaned forward and kissed Remus' stomach, moving further down until his chin bumped a part of Remus that had the fair haired man's whole body tensing in surprise and arousal. Remus tried to slow his breathing as he watched Sirius interestedly examine the very private part of his body that was only inches from the very handsome, aristocratic face, and tried not to think about how he could feel Sirius' cool breath on the sensitive skin. He'd been semi-hard since they'd started but now he was fully aroused and knew that whichever way they did this, he wasn't going to last very long.

"Right…" Sirius muttered to himself from somewhere between Remus' legs, apparently trying to calm his own nerves or trying to figure out how exactly to do this with the smallest amount of clumsiness. The latter, Remus guessed, as Sirius' hand hastily started forward, hesitated for a moment, and then shot forward again and grasped his cock firmly. He let out a rather undignified noise of surprise and glared at Sirius when he snickered.

Sirius dutifully went back to what he was doing, pumping his hand up and down slowly, getting used to the feeling and contours before speeding up. Remus could do nothing but bite his lip to muffle his noises and move his hips along in time with Sirius' hand. It felt amazing and he had a feeling that it felt so much better than it had with Ernesto, despite the other man's greater experience, because he was watching Sirius do this to him; it was Sirius' hand around him and Sirius' eyes that would meet his when their gazes met.

It felt brilliant, but when Sirius' attention shifted from Remus' cock to look up at his face and Remus looked into an intoxicating mix of grey and blue, he felt as if he could come right then with only a dry hand on him. Sirius obviously had other ideas though. He slowed long enough to lean down and carefully kiss his way from the base to the tip. The feeling of soft, damp lips on such a sensitive area made Remus shiver from head to toe, and the reaction seemed to give Sirius confidence. He closed his lips around the head and Remus was surprised into a loud gasp at the foreign, exquisite sensation of a soft, wet tongue on his cock.

Sirius slid further down and then back up, brow furrowed as he seemed to process the new taste. He didn't look disgusted, just contemplative, and lowered his mouth back down on Remus, taking more of him in than before. For Remus, it was like nothing he'd ever felt; it was better in every way imaginable and although he could feel Sirius' inexperience in the uncertainty in his hands and his mild clumsiness, he knew he wouldn't last long at all like this. Along with the indescribable feeling, it was also the sight of Sirius, the boy he'd been crazy about for longer than he could remember, with his lips wrapped around him and now bobbing his head up and down above him. Then Sirius' eyes met his and Remus gasped out a curse, gripping the sheets so tightly that his hands shook with the effort of trying to hold back his release.

Even though Remus had nothing to compare Sirius' performance to, he knew that he was good at this. He was figuring out very quickly just how to move his tongue and manipulate his mouth to wrench the loudest and neediest noises from Remus. It certainly wasn't perfect, with Remus having to mutter "Watch your teeth", a few times, but it was definitely brilliant; so much so that Remus could already feel the heat pooling in his stomach and his hips began moving more desperately. But he wanted to reciprocate before it was over for him, so he bit his lip, gathered his last remains of self-control and gently pulled Sirius' head up. Wide grey eyes gazed up at him but he couldn't shake his gaze from the swollen, wet lips that had only just released him; that gorgeous mouth with its hidden talent that he'd only just discovered. His mind just couldn't move past the idea that he'd been _inside_ that mouth; Sirius had had his cock inside his mouth.

"Alright, Moony?"

Remus shook himself a little and forced himself to stop looking at that mouth and concentrate on answering Sirius, who beneath the grin and bright eyes looked just a little bit uncertain since Remus had stopped him.

"Yeah, that was amazing." Remus smiled, still trying to catch his breath. "Really, it was… I'm just not going to last and I want to do the same to you before I finish."

"Oh," Sirius looked surprised but then a grin crept onto his face and he crawled up so he was face-to-face with Remus, "Go on then. It's loads better than you'd think."

Remus gave him an incredulous look and waited for him to lie back against the bed. Somehow, he just couldn't see how such an act could be pleasant for the giver – it looked uncomfortable, tiring and intrusive. Even so, he found himself looking forward to giving it a try.

He swiftly pulled down Sirius' trousers and pants and sat back to examine the new territory before him. Sirius' legs were long and slim, dusted with black hair and pale beneath it. The hair darkened and grew coarser and thicker between Sirius' legs, gathering around the base of his erection. Remus' eyes couldn't help but be drawn to it. Sirius' erection was long and thin but not out of proportion in either way – it was just long and thin like the rest of his body. It was darker than the rest of his body though; a soft dusky pink turning to a darker pink at the head and for some reason, Remus suddenly found this the most attractive colour in the world. He wanted to take his time to explore every little bit of this new expanse of skin, but there would be other times, he thought happily, many more times where his intention would be to commit every little detail of Sirius' body to memory. But for now, they'd spent too long getting into the feel of this new level of intimacy and he felt that neither he nor Sirius wanted to take this slow anymore.

He grasped Sirius' cock firmly in his hand, just getting used to the feel of it in his hand while Sirius cursed under his breath. It was different to holding his own cock and even different to holding Ernesto's. It was softer, maybe a little lighter, felt hotter and all around different, which Remus supposed was to be expected. One thing was for certain though: Remus' epiphany he'd had while rutting against a handsome Spaniard around the side of a church was still holding firm. He really did like the feeling of another man's cock in his hand, rubbing against him and maybe Sirius was right; maybe he would like having it in his mouth too. There was only one way to find out, he thought as he pumped his hand slowly up and down, relishing in the smooth slide of skin and trying to ignore the excitement and hints of nervousness making his stomach flip uncomfortably.

He leaned down and opened his mouth, taking just the head inside to rest on his tongue as he tried to adjust to this new sensation. It was hot against his lips and tongue and the way it pulsed with blood felt weird at first, but a good kind of weird, like the taste of it was strange too but both sensations were something he felt he wouldn't mind getting used to. It didn't taste terrific but it didn't disgust him like he thought it would and he found himself sliding more of Sirius into his mouth, moving his tongue against the underside instinctively. He suddenly became aware that Sirius was moving restlessly, his long legs rustling against the bed as they bent taut and his back arched desperately into Remus. He fought a smile at the thought that he appeared to be doing a decent job, and made sure to keep his teeth away as he slid up and then back down again, slowly slipping into a rhythm.

He bobbed his head up and down slowly at first and then quicker when Sirius' choked pleas sent a jolt of arousal straight to his own already over-stimulated groin. Sirius' voice moaning his name like that, all desperate and agonized was something he was certain he would get addicted to. He sucked harder as he drew up and then lapped at the head where more of the odd-tasting fluid was leaking out, and in his peripheral vision he saw Sirius throw his head back after looking down at him. Yes, this was definitely something he could get used to. He slid down again and then up, trying to swirl his tongue around the head when he got to the tip, and suck hard when he went back down and got it as far in as he could. It didn't seem like Sirius would last long this way, and he slid his hands into Remus' hair and gripped hard, encouraging him to move faster. Remus obliged and only a few moments later Sirius gave him a shaky, choked warning, "Remus, I'm going to-".

Sirius didn't even get to finish his sentence before hot fluid flooded Remus' mouth in spurts as Sirius' hips bucked uncontrollably and he moaned beautifully. Remus drew back and swallowed quickly to get rid of the not exactly spectacular taste, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth to wipe away his saliva and any of Sirius' come that might have escaped.

Sirius lay splayed out on the bed, breathing heavily and looking as if he had just had the most tiring experience of his life. While Sirius had gotten his release, however, Remus was still incredibly hard and it was starting to ache a little bit, especially as he looked down at Sirius all spread out and spent like that. Slowly Sirius looked up at him and offered a tired by satiated smile, and held out his hand to Remus.

"C'mere, Moony. Lemme take care of that."

Remus crawled over to kneel next to him and was about to reply that he could finish himself off while Sirius rested, when Sirius leaned up and abruptly took his cock into his mouth. Remus let out a sharp cry of surprised pleasure and he couldn't even think about protesting when Sirius immediately started bobbing his head up and down, his cheeks hollowing spectacularly as he sucked and his high, beautiful cheekbones curved sharply above his hollowed cheeks. Remus suddenly found it hard to breathe and he leaned over Sirius' bobbing head, supporting himself on his hands as he gasped for air. He wasn't going to last long – he'd spent too long being aroused and this whole night was easily the most erotic experience of his short life. Indeed, he could already feel the tremors overtaking his body and those tell-tale tingles were shooting beneath his skin. He let out one last shaky moan and his hips involuntarily thrust his cock deep into Sirius' mouth, his release coating the back of Sirius' throat.

Although he was dead-tired and just wanted to slump down, he withdrew quickly and looked down at Sirius in concern, hoping he hadn't choked him with his last movements. Sirius appeared to have already swallowed and he grinned up at Remus wickedly.

"Not bad," Sirius' voice sounded a little hoarse but he still grinned, "But next time I want to see your face when you come."

Remus grinned back, a little lazier, and slowly moved down the bed before collapsing next to Sirius.

_Next time._ He was thrilled at the thought of how they would have many 'next times' and that Sirius seemed so happy to have that chance too. Sirius looked over at him for a few moments before moving closer and throwing himself over Remus' body, half-lying on him with his arm draped over Remus' still heaving chest and his leg hooked over Remus'.

"Just so you know, I've been known to be a bit of a strangler when I sleep next to someone. I call it intense spooning."

Remus laughed and shifted slightly so he could wrap his arm around Sirius' waist. "I think I can handle it." And he was glad to have this chance to do so too. Sirius smiled and leaned back to pull the covers over them before settling back into Remus' side. Remus was already starting to doze when Sirius was making himself comfortable against him again, but he was awake enough to hear his lover's deep, satisfied voice.

"So that was…".

Remus could hear the grin in Sirius' voice and even though his eyes were already shut, he grinned too. "Yeah, it was."

Their first foray into sex hadn't been perfect, as neither of them had expected it to be, but they wouldn't have changed one bit of it for the world. They could feel that they each now held a piece of the other with them, as this first experience was something they could never have with anyone else, and well… that was perfect enough for them.

Remus' grin remained with him as his body retreated into sleep, as tired as it was in the days before and after the full moon, but a much, much better kind of tired. His very slight snore could already be heard as Sirius smiled and watched his face relax into sleep before following him into deep slumber.

OOOOOOOOO

Sirius woke first that morning. He blinked blearily in the late morning sunlight streaming through the window and slowly looked around. He was in Remus' bed, still under the covers but only slightly as during the night Remus seemed to have gathered them all around himself like a cocoon. Sirius snickered and pulled them back a bit so he could curl closer against Remus' warm, sleeping body. He rested his chin on Remus' chest and watched his relaxed, peaceful face as he slept.

The night before had been brilliant. It had shown him exactly why he was never content at the thought of being with a girl – this was what he wanted. And he knew now that he wanted more, that he was not going to give this up. He grinned and stretched, his grin widening when he felt how his naked skin slid against Remus'. He was just about to begin waking Remus up in the best way when his eye caught on something on the bed.

Over to his right were the photos that he had knocked out of Remus' lap last night; the photos that Remus was planning to send to Ernesto. Sirius didn't hesitate to reach over and pick one up – it wasn't as if Remus would mind him looking and he wanted to know what Ernesto would be seeing of Remus. He was surprised to see that it was a still photo of Lily and James in their muggle clothing. James had his arm around Lily's waist and she was turned into him slightly as they both smiled up at the camera, the dark buildings around them showing their location to be somewhere in muggle London. Intrigued, Sirius flipped the photo over to read the writing on the back, written in Remus' neat handwriting.

_This is James and Lily, two friends of mine. If you ever get a chance to meet them someday, I'm sure you'll like them and Lily already likes you from what I've told her about you. _

Sirius put that photo aside and picked up the next to see it was of himself, James Peter and Remus. It had been taken during their fifth year summer holidays when they had visited the Potter's house and had spent long summer days by the quiet lake behind the Potter estate. The lake could be seen in the background and all four boys were in casual muggle clothing and, if Sirius remembered correctly, James' father had taken the photo. He smiled slightly as he looked down at the stationary smiling figures, with himself and James in the middle, Remus beside Sirius and Peter beside James. If the Sirius then had been told that he was going to end up with the fair haired boy beside him he would never have believed it. Then again, Sirius still had trouble believing that this was real, this was his life, he thought as Remus shifted beneath him when he accidentally stuck his elbow into his ribs. Sirius shifted, saw that his bed partner was still asleep and then turned the photo over to see more of Sirius' writing, quite a lot this time, crammed onto the back of the photo.

_These are my other friends. From left to right, there's me, Sirius, James and Peter. They're great guys and I'm sure you'd like them because they seem to enjoy getting into trouble as much as you do – actually I'm sure one or two make it their life goal._ Sirius paused to snicker before reading on.

_In your last letter, you asked me to tell you when I found that someone, and since then I think I may have done just that. If I'm right and things keep going the way they are, it turns out that he's been right in front of me all this time. The guy second from the left in this photo, Sirius, is the person I'm talking about. We've been friends for almost seven years now but until I visited Spain, until I met you, I never knew how I felt about him. I would never say this out loud and I say it to you because you're one of the few people I can talk to about this and who will understand, but even though it might be too soon to say, I really do think he's that one person. I'm happy to say that you were right about finding that person who makes nothing else matter and I'm so glad to have met you and to have learnt this from you. I know that if someone like me can be with someone as amazing as he is, you will certainly find that person who will make your church's disapproval feel completely irrelevant and I can't wait until you do because it's an amazing way to feel. I can never thank you enough for helping me find this happiness that I never thought I could feel. _

Sirius stared at the writing for a few more moments before carefully replacing the photo and turning back to look at the prone form beneath him.

He'd been jealous of Ernesto ever since he'd learned of him. The Spaniard had been the first one to bring out this side of Remus, to discover and experience this part of him, but with Remus' written words all of that jealousy had miraculously dissipated. Ernesto hadn't really _had_ Remus; he'd had part of the physical side, yes, but now he saw that Ernesto would only ever be a friend to Remus, a dear friend who had helped him find himself. And since this new Remus, this person that Ernesto had helped unearth, was the person Sirius knew was 'that someone', as Remus had written, Sirius could feel only a strange sort of gratitude to Remus' Spanish friend.

He smiled and reached out to smooth a strand of fair hair away from Remus' forehead. If Remus thought that he, Sirius, was 'that someone' and really thought they could spend the rest of their lives together, then Sirius wanted the start of the rest of their lives to start as soon as possible.

He leaned forward and kissed Remus firmly on the mouth to wake him up. It worked and Remus blinked sleepily before pulling away and looking around.

"Mmm s' the time?" he mumbled, automatically wrapping an arm around Sirius' waist.

"Doesn't matter: it's Saturday."

Remus smiled lazily and stretched, looking up when he sensed that Sirius was watching him with a smile.

"What?"

Sirius opened his mouth, not knowing exactly was going to come out, but wanting to tell Remus how he felt the same as Remus had stated on the back of that photo; that he thought he was 'that someone', that he wanted to make this last, that he loved him. Instead, his declarations died in his throat and instead he murmured. "I'm just really glad you're here with me."

Remus looked up at him with an unreadable expression and Sirius was so busy berating himself for not saying what he'd meant and instead saying something so stupid, that he almost missed the small smile Remus had for him.

"You're glad _I'm_ here? You should be glad that _you're_ here; this is my bed, after all." Remus took advantage of Sirius' surprised expression to lean up and kiss him before saying softly "I'm glad I'm here with you too."

Sirius grinned and returned to kissing Remus' smiling mouth. But even as he kissed him and even when Remus was flipping him onto his back, he was promising himself that one day he would say what he had meant to. One day he would tell Remus that he loved him, that he too wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. But not today, not while Remus' mouth was giving a repeat performance of last night and stealing the breath right out of his lungs. One day he would say those words though, and one day, maybe not the same day, he knew that Remus would say them back.

OOOOOOOOO

_Longest damn 'discovery' chapter ever. Phew. I'm pooped. Normally, I wouldn't put that much detail into one scene, but since these last two chapters are specifically about them discovering the different parts of sex, I thought it called for it. But who knows?_

_One more chapter methinks. And to anyone who's wondering about who is going to be 'on top' or whatnot, I don't know. :P I'm not overly bothered but I'll see where it goes. Might be both if I can make that work without it being 10 000 words long. Really, I'm so sorry, everyone, for how long this was!_

_Thanks for reading and don't forget that comments are the most wonderful things to me!_


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